What’s The Episode About:
In this episode, Paul and Stacey are going to talk about the power of immersion events in profoundly changing a person’s life versus just general learning. Learning is important and can be resourceful but people usually tend to forget whatever they learn with time, but when they attend an event on what is important to them, they get to both learn and experience, and it’s the experience that sticks with them their entire lives.
Paul and Stacey will also share the kind of action steps you can start doing now in regard to getting into beneficial live events to really start walking towards making that lasting change that you so desperately need in your relationship.
Key Points Discussed:
- The hustle of doing live events (00:49)
- Immersion versus learning (01:48)
- There’s a big difference between learning it and living it (03:46)
- The power of focus time on one thing (08:22)
- A good distraction with no lasting change (13:47)
- Getting to the next level by willingly getting resourceful (19:00)
Where Can I Learn More:
Get your ticket to the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat here: http://bit.ly/rbr_podcast
When Did It Air:
August 1, 2019
Disclaimer: The Transcript Is Auto-Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors
Paul: 00:00 Hey relationship transformers, welcome to the Relationship Transformer Podcast. So today, Stacey and I are going to answer the question, why go to live events? What’s the difference between that and learning? And I say that in air quotes, and why bother? So let’s queue up the intro and dive in.
Intro: 00:20 So the big question is this; How is it possible that one person alone can transform any relationship, save their marriage, create their unshakeable love, and unleash passion, divorce-proof their family, without needing their partner to get on board and do this with them, and yet still get to be happily, authentically you without compromise. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answer.
Stacey: 00:49 Alright, so let’s talk about this today because going to live events is not convenient for anybody. Nobody, not even you and me when we do our live events. You have to travel. You have to… everybody who comes to our live events has to get on a plane. Sometimes we have to get on a plane to do the event. You got to get childcare, you got to get your time away from your business, or your work, all the travel, and stuff involved. So why do it, why even bother? Why do live events, babe?
Paul: 01:17 Well, there are so many facets to this, and I’m just going to say for the sake of everybody listening too like, Stacey and I go to live events on purpose, intentionally, because we practice what we preach.
Stacey: 01:26 Several times throughout the year.
Paul: 01:28 We believe in them wholeheartedly. That’s one of the reasons why we hold live events. We know what the value is. So what’s the difference? Like you were talking about reading a book. What’s the difference between learning or…
Stacey: 01:37 Yeah, let’s talk about that. What’s the difference between like, learning and immersion? Like why not just read a book? Why not just listen to this podcast? Why do immersion and not just learning?
Paul: 01:48 Sure. So learning is great. Don’t get me wrong. Learning is…
Stacey: 01:52 Yeah, we’re not going to diss learning.
Paul: 01:53 Right. Learning… Learning is part of life, and if you’re not learning, you know, that’s a problem.
Stacey: 01:58 You need that too.
Paul: 01:58 Right? So learning is great, don’t get me wrong, but learning… let’s take a typical situation where you read something in a book, you’re like, “Oh, that was phenomenal. That was a great book.” And then you take that book and you put it on your shelf, and then over the next couple of weeks that memory fades of that book, and you move on to another book, or something else. Your life doesn’t change. And learning alone, if people just were to read from a book and able to transform their lives, that would be phenomenal. But that’s not how it works. It’s not how it works in real life. We learn, we get some distinctions, and then we’re cognitively aware of the things that we would like to change.
Stacey: 02:31 Yep.
Paul: 02:31 And then we get in our own way in so many different ways where a life doesn’t really change. And what’s more is when you think about it, typically when you’re learning, there’s a couple of different ways. So let’s say it is a book. Maybe you’ll read a chapter a night, maybe you’ll read a section of it, and then you’ll pick up another piece, and then a couple of weeks later, maybe you pick up another piece, and it’s very broken up. So it doesn’t really come together as one big unit where you have something compelling enough to force you to your life. Right. It might be just like, oh, that was great. I really enjoyed that information.
Stacey: 03:02 Yeah, that was interesting. Oh my gosh. It’s such a huge shift in perspective. That’s fantastic.
Paul: 03:08 And, and that’s where it ends.
Stacey: 03:10 And then life happens and your regular life shows up and you go into your old patterns pretty much in your regular life. And life doesn’t change. Like we hear this from so many people that, you know, “My gosh.” And maybe you’ve had this experience, where you’re like, “Damn, I should know better.” Right? I had studied this, I read this book, I listened to this podcast. Like, why is this even our podcast?” Right? And then you’re in your regular life and you’re like, “Why is that triggering me, dang it? Like, why is that still getting under my skin? I know better, I should be fine, but I can’t stop myself in the moment”, because there’s a big difference between learning it and living it.
Paul: 03:51 Yeah. And knowing better doesn’t mean you do better. And we’ve all been there, right? I’m sure anybody listening here can think of a situation where like they knew better and they found themselves not doing better. Yeah. That’s really what the difference comes down to it. You know, it’s hard to quantify all the values that come from because there are so many facets to going to a live event that this is the big way to quantify it. It doesn’t change your life just by knowing it. You need to have an experience. So like things happen in our lives and we change and we change permanently. But that’s usually as a result of something really profoundly changing in our life.
Stacey: 04:24 And usually not in a great way, right? You get horrible news or, or something tragic happens in your family or you have a health scare or something and people are like, that’s it. I know what’s important in life. I’m changing like, and they’re forever shifted. But man, nobody wants that. Like that’s a really rough thing to go through.
Paul: 04:42 That’s not a success strategy.
Stacey: 04:44 You might have a wake-up call and the wakeup call was the gift, right? So in every tragedy, as we always say in life, right? There’s always a silver lining. There’s always a gift. And usually, it’s that we woke up. But you don’t want life to have to wake you up from something negative. That’s why we do immersion.
Paul: 04:59 Yup. And so there are two pieces that, so the other one is, again, that’s a great example as well too, is we were just going through our life and we continue to go through our life and play out, you know, our normal day and it wasn’t enough to move us out of our normal pattern. But when you stop and you take a couple of days off, two, three, four, whatever, however many days it is for the live event, and you put everything else on hold, something magical happens right off the bat, which is first of all, you can really focus, focus without all the distractions, without all the reinforcement of all the patterns that have been kind of throwing you out of the way of wherever you want it to go. And you just put everything on hold and you focus on whatever that topic is that you’re going to a live event for. And then once you’re in that experience and you have an experience, it’s the benefit of these significant things happening in your life. But because you’re so deep into it and you’re there and you’re focused, you get that shift in you so that it’s very similar to the unwelcome shift to wake up, call the wake up call. Right? But you get the benefit of the value of what it was that you consciously decided you wanted in your life.
Stacey: 06:02 It’s a positive wakeup call designed by you in that event as opposed to letting life wake you up.
Paul: 06:08 Exactly. And then the other piece of that was the immersion component. So let’s say you went to a seminar and the seminar was on, let’s just make it really clear, like a very dry topic, something very considered mundane by you. Cause that whatever’s mundane for you might be fascinating to someone else.
Stacey: 06:25 Time management
Paul: 06:26 Time management. Alright, so, for those of you who don’t love the topic of time management, you find that to be mundane. Imagine sitting there listening to the content and you’re like, that’s interesting. Let me write down that formula. Okay, good. Yeah, okay, and you’re like, that was very educational. Great, but you can hear my voice. I’m not very moved. Damn, hi, I’m not exactly going to change my life around this. I’m like, yeah, I’ve got the formula now for my time management. Cool. Or maybe some people are like, yeah, that’s awesome. Time management and that person would actually get somebody out of that, but not for everyone.
Stacey: 07:05 Just as an example. They’re like, a lot of us need better time management. We actually really do. And there might be a few cool tools that we might pick up along the way and we might get excited like, you know what? This is a great time management method. I really need this and we might even start implementing it for a few days when we leave the event until like work gets crazy or a kid gets sick or someone’s waking you up during the night for a few nights, one of your kids isn’t sleeping through the night and all your new time management tactics or tools that you were trying to implement go out the window and you go right back to your old patterns, your old weight. Yeah. It wasn’t a fundamental shift across the board because it was cognitive learning.
Paul: 07:43 Yes.
Stacey: 07:43 And there’s a big difference between learning and living it.
Paul: 07:46 Yup. And that’s the key. So I tried to pick something dry to have you imagine being in that mindset where you’re like taking notes, you’re learning it, you’re getting it cognitively, but it’s not moving the needle. It’s not going to change your life. So the immersion environment experiences are ones where there’s an experience created as part of that. Like it’s a kind of learning where instead of just learning it and it goes to your head, it’s learning it and it goes into your heart and your nervous system. Where you fundamentally be see things differently and show up in a way where like I get it, I so get it and I’m never going to go back to the old ways of whatever x was whatever that event,
Stacey: 08:22 so here’s the deal. It’s a couple fold. One is going back to what Paul was just saying and I love that you went through those pieces. Focus time. Let me ask you, have you ever had this situation happen where like you were at work or maybe you went in early before everybody got there or you worked on the Saturday when no one else was around or you stayed up late working and nobody else was around. There were no distractions and you just were like heads down into something for like two or three hours. Ever had that experience like how much unbelievable productivity you have in those two or three hours more than you do in your whole eight to 10 hour work day, right? Because of that focus time, you can do more with three days of focus time on one thing that really means something to you.
Stacey: 09:08 Like in our world it’s relationships. Then you can trying to kind of fit that into your world anytime through cognitive learning. That’s one part is just the focus. Cause we all know that we’re super busy and I always say super busy. People do immersion events if they’re successful because they know they have to be like, you know what? If this is important to me, I need to go deep focus time for three whole days and come out wired differently on the other end so that I’ve got it. Like I uplevel myself in those three days because I don’t have time to try to push myself into different patterns otherwise. And the other thing is like Paul’s saying, when we do immersion experiences, the reason why we do live events for relationships is because this is not about cognitive learning. You can listen to our podcast, you can do our online program.
Stacey: 09:56 All of that stuff is awesome and you need it. And the difference between learning it and living it is shifting your blueprint, your unconscious patterns, your triggers, how you show up in the moment, how you react in a moment. And those things are deep into your wiring deep into your blueprint of wind. Lose, not wanting to lose, wanting to win what you think that means, your triggers, how you react to things, the emotions that you go to, the meanings that you give things. All of those things are baked into your blueprint and it happens so fast for you in a day. You go right into those predictable patterns. Ps, your partner goes right into their predictable patterns too. That’s why you have repetitive Kerfuffles for five, 10 2030 years going on and when we do live events, what Paul and I do is we literally strategically design like we’re heading into a three hour, three day relationship, breakthrough retreat, live event next week.
Stacey: 10:55 By the time you’re listening to this, it’ll probably have been passed, but the reason why we do our live events is Paul and I strategically designed them so that every single day you’re breaking the patterns that you’ve decided are not helping you and your relationship and you’re instilling new patterns into your blueprint that you desperately want and are struggling to do in the moment. And we do that for you within that event because it’s rewiring at the blueprint level. It’s immersion. It’s big shifts that are happening for you to make living it so much easier. That’s why Paul says, when you come to one of our events, like you come in one way and walk out another, not in a bad way, in a wonderful way because you’re, you’re getting to live it so much easier than the efforting that you do outside of the event. That’s what an immersion experience.
Stacey: 11:46 While that’s what it can do when you have someone really skilled delivering the immersion event, but that’s what we do and for a huge reason because making changes in how you show up, how you interact with your spouse, the way you interact with your kids, how you interact at work, like that’s very personal and it’s charged for some people and it’s hard to think your way to a different reaction when everything in your body is screaming at you. That was so disrespectful. You’ve got to react, but you know that that’s not what’s going to help that relationship. It’s difficult to think your way to that. That’s why you come to immersion experiences to shift your way into living it differently. It becomes effortless for you after that.
Paul: 12:31 Yeah, and you know, I just want to use another, just in case anybody is struggling with the concepts still. Another way to look at this is imagine how like did you ever watch a movie and you were so like, wow. By the time you had this entire feeling in your whole nervous system, when you’re done watching that movie, you were completely moved right by the movie. Maybe that’s where the term comes from. I don’t know. But it shifted. You and I can think of like some of these things I heard about in the past where like, you know, you see how food is processed and all of a sudden you’re like, you know what? I think I’m going to pick some healthier foods. A, I don’t think I can go back to the way I saw things before and it really moved you, there was an experience to that movie and that’s a better way to sort of describe the power of what happens when you stop everything else.
Paul: 13:13 You focus on that one thing and it’s designed to give you an experience that will shift you for the better for what it is that you’re looking for. Yes. That’s a good example. And I’ll just say like, I grew up in an environment where literally no one around me would have dreamed of going to some kind of a live event unless it was a concert. And like you go to the concert and the concert is great, you have a good time and then it kind of fades away and like, ah, that was awesome the next day. Like it didn’t really shift you. Your world didn’t change. You had a good time and it was over. You know, you’ll see that on vacations people take vacations, right. And um, you know,
Stacey: 13:47 distraction, but there’s no lasting change.
Paul: 13:50 Exactly. And you had an experience, but there was no concept behind it. It was just, hey, that was fun. So those people that I talk about that I grew up with, you know what? Their world didn’t change much. Their comfort zone of like their world of how they perceive things didn’t change much. They stayed within their comfort zone, did what was convenient and as a result you ended up with a world that doesn’t change much. Why would it unless something really bad or significant forced amount of their way, there was no ability that to force a change that would really stick with someone. They would want to do things, they would strive for things, but in the end of the day nothing would really kind of have that traction. So what you’ll find, and Stacey and I luckily learned this a long time ago, what you’ll find is that people who really are blowing through like comfort zones and changing their lives in a really fast way and in multifaceted ways are people who embrace the concept of a getting out of their comfort zone and getting to a live event is a good example of that.
Paul: 14:49 Yeah, it wasn’t convenient but to like know the importance of this. And then they go to these events because they know that there are people there who have this brilliance, whatever the brilliance is, are looking for and they’re like in just that focus time. I can shift my world. I can walk out a different way and I’m ready for that world. I’m ready to make a change and they’re not only are they empowered with the knowledge now, but they actually have something better, which is the comprehensive picture and the clarity and the internal wiring changed. That blueprint level change like Stacy is talking about where they’re ready to hit the ground running. That’s a whole different shift. That’s why they’ll get out of their comfort zone. That’s why it’s not convenient for anybody. True, but people will purposefully do that over and over and over in a year because they know that’s the fastest way to get results in whatever it is that they’re looking at.
Stacey: 15:34 Oh, chain. Now. I love that you brought this up. We have to go there because what you’re talking about is so huge and I think that this might be off the radar of what most people think. Here’s the thing, oh, the site gets me so excited. Just getting out of your comfort zone to go to the live event. You’re already becoming more of the person you need to be to be in your next level, which is why you’re going to the event. Boom. Like really? It’s so good. Look just by saying, okay, my standard for myself is not, I only do what’s convenient. Boom. You’re already becoming the version of yourself that you need to be to hit the goals that are currently outside your comfort zone. Are you getting this like really? Are you? Because people who say, Oh yeah, that man, that live event looks so great.
Stacey: 16:31 Do they have a book? Do they have a book? I really just, I want to read a book, right? That person is staying in their book comfort zone and their results are going to be within the current comfort zone that they’re in right now. They haven’t because they’re not really cool with getting stretched outside their comfort zone, so that is exactly what we’re talking about. Like even taking the steps to say, Oh Dang, that event is far. That event I got to get on a plane. I need to get a hotel. Who’s going to watch my kids? What about the dog? That dog does not play well with other dogs. What am I going to do for a dog sitter? Like I had to get time off of work. I’m out of vacation days. All these things that we go through where like, I don’t care.
Stacey: 17:18 I have to be at this event like this is the change that I need. This is the change that my family deserves and I gotta find a way. Like the minute you do that, boom, you’ve already done a jump. Like can you feel it? You’ve already taken a jump from who you have been and the patterns that you’ve been experiencing, the results of your quote unquote everyday life. You’ve already taken a jump forward because it’s not everyday life anymore. It’s not. You are now the version of yourself who will get that plane ticket, who will figure out what to do with the kids, who will figure out a new dog sitter who will find a roommate on our Facebook group page, who will I? We’ve just seen people for this relationship breakthrough retreat. A couple of people posted that they were out of vacation days, they didn’t have any, and they went to their boss and said, hey, here’s this event.
Stacey: 18:12 It’s life changing skills for relationships and I can show you where in my work this has already transformed how our team runs. This client’s situation did not go downhill because I use these skills. I want to go to these three days, amount of vacation days, I’ll pay for the event. Will you give me the day so I can go and like story after story in our groups who were like, I can’t believe it. My boss was like, yeah, you can go. Or another woman was like, my boss said you can go and actually I’ll pay for that. And another one was like, you know, my boss said I could have two days if I use two days of my time or I could make up the time I did this back when I was still in corporate tax. I was out of vacation days. I radically to do our event.
Stacey: 19:00 I needed to ask, oh no, this wasn’t to do our event. This was for another live event. We’re going to personal development event, and I went to my boss and I said, look, I’m out of vacation days, but this is what I’m going to tell you like that. Remember that thing that happened with that client. These were the kinds of skills that I use to bring that back from the edge. I just need four days that I don’t have, and she said, I’ll tell you what, not only can you have those days, I’ll look the other way. I’ll pay for the event. If you come back and do a six hours of training with our sales team and teach them what it is that you’re getting from this, like go do it and I’ll fund it like you have. If you’re willing to get resourceful, if you’re willing to get out of the can’t, man, I can’t travel.
Stacey: 19:41 I can’t because I have kids. I can’t. I don’t have the time. I can’t. My partner will never agree. I don’t have the money. I can’t fly all these, I can’t things the minute you’re willing to get out of that and be like, okay, how can I make this work? Like there are clearly are hundreds of people, thousands of people, millions of people doing this every single day. What are they doing? How can I do this? Boom. You’ve catapulted yourself out of your current normal results. You’re in an x level already. Then you do it. You’re already the kind of person who does that and you’re going to get results from that level and then you go through the event and boom, you’re shifting like this is real. It’s super real because what used to be like a, Oh my God, I would love to do that, but there’s no way becomes like, oh yeah, I did that. I’m thinking about doing this now. It becomes your new normal. You already changed. You already changed. You changed how you see yourself, you change the nervous system level. I really hope you’re getting this even just by saying you’re going, you’re already jumping forward to your next level. Like I know I get really excited that, but that’s really true.
Paul: 20:49 That’s really what it comes down to and there’s so many other facets to these that it’s hard to list them all. I’ll just say one more thing is whatever it is that you’re going to, that live event for you will be meeting people at that live event who have a similar mindset. Oh, we didn’t even talk about that so much to this. Right? Like, or we can just keep going on if we didn’t have to get ready for this live event coming up. So anyway, like keep in mind there’s so many things that let’s just
Stacey: 21:13 tribe you meet the people you meet at this event. Yeah, it’s, it’s like friends forever that your seven power tribe, like the people that you meet might be unlocking the key to the your next level. What you’ve always wanted. Some people meet their spouse at a live event, you meet your best friend, like you meet people that become your support group forever. Like it’s just a totally different caliber of people than the people next door or the people at your word. The people that you see all the time
Paul: 21:41 and they’ve been through that experience with you too and there’s already that bonding that happens is like, oh, I remember when we did that event. Like that was awesome, but so you make these friends and also I’ll just tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a situation where no matter what it was that even you and I were going for that there weren’t people that we met as part of that process who was like a resource for something else that we needed like where they were like to connecting block-like, oh they’re the link that I needed to do x or y or they were a resource that actually supports what it was that I was there for. Like if you’re at a marketing event, there’s people there who have specialized skills, for example, to help you with your marketing. Like there’s, it never fails that the ancillary value of going one of the many is that there’s also like this connecting of resources and people who are not only friends but they’re helping you get to where you needed to go to, which is all part of the process. They brought in a different skill set or a piece of this and you’re coming in with a different piece and your resource for them. Like it’s amazing what happens when you gather the people who are all looking to move into the same direction. How that magic happens sort of outside the event or during the breaks as well too.
Stacey: 22:48 Awesome. I love it. I love it. I love it. All right Paul, what kind of action steps can they start doing now to really take action on this and not just let this be something else that’s cognitive that sits on the shelf.
Paul: 23:00 Yup. First of all, whatever you’re doing, unless you’re driving or somehow moving stuff and focus for a second cause that’s what happens. Right? Life just keeps taking us wherever it’s going to take us. So just clear your plate, clear your thoughts. For a moment and ask yourself this question, what are the areas in your life where you really want to make some meaningful change, something really profound or meaningful to you? What are those areas in your life? And maybe jot them down or just get clarity about it right now, right? Cause you can’t hit a target that you can’t see. So let’s get some clarity around that. So that’s the first action step. The second action step is, are you scheduled for an immersion event for that? Whatever area you want to change in your life in the next six months, like an event that you know you’ve heard of, or if not, maybe even start looking for one, an event that gives a predictable breakthrough or results in that area, chances are somebody’s got one.
Paul: 23:56 All right? So that’s the second action step. And then the third is if you don’t, didn’t already figure it out where you can create that meaningful change in your life where you want to move towards and you’re not already scheduled for one in the next six months. The third action step is to do it. Getting some clarity around this, figure out where you want to make some meaningful change and then to schedule it or it will never happen. It will be that book that you put back on the shelf and say, that was great. This was a good podcast. Thank you, and my life will not change yet because I’m not doing anything to show up differently. So give yourself that gift set aside, whatever this past x number of minutes has been for you, and give yourself another 10 minutes to get some clarity around this and make sure you schedule. If you haven’t already, that next event, or at least put it on your calendar, that you’re going to spend maybe 30 minutes or an hour looking for the event that’s going to give you the results that you’re looking for and just get it done.
Stacey: 24:52 Amen. Amen. All right. If you love this podcast, take a screenshot of your phone, share it and tag relationship transformer podcast because that’s how we can let more people know that this podcast exists and serve more people and more families that really deserve these solutions. And until next time, remember, together we are changing the way relationship is done.
Paul: 25:16 Yeah.
Outro: 25:17 Okay. Are you ready to catapult your relationship forward to the next level, in just three days, surrounded by relationship transformers on the journey with you? Then go grab your live event tickets at RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com and we will see you.