What’s The Episode About:
In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk all about the just concluded Relationship Breakthrough Retreat 2019. They will talk about what their favorite moments were, what the challenges were, how things went behind the scenes, and most importantly, the breakthroughs that different attendees experienced.
Listen in to get that behind the scenes look at this life-changing event, get a feel of what it would have been like to attend, and get some tools you can use to build better relationships in your life.
Key Points Discussed:
- The best delivery and breakthroughs at the RBR 2019 (01:00)
- Delivering to the audience dynamically (03:07)
- The five-step forgiveness process (05:06)
- The four minute mile: From Can I? to How can I? (10:07)
- The best event team in the world (15:10)
- The breakthroughs that people share (18:16)
- Walking in one way and walking out another (25:02)
Where Can I Learn More:
Have you signed up for The D.I.R.T. ?! http://bit.ly/2KlobXZ
When Did It Air:
August 22, 2019
Episode Transcript:
Disclaimer: The Transcript Is Auto-Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors Paul:
Paul: 00:00 Hey Relationship Transformers, welcome to the Relationship Transformer Podcast. Today, Stacey and I are going to share our story of this year’s relationship breakthrough retreat live event. What our favorite moments were, what the challenges were, how things went behind the scenes, and most importantly, the breakthroughs that people attending this event had. So whether you were at this year’s RBR, or you missed it, this podcast is going to give you that behind the scenes look at this life changing event. So let’s queue up the intro and dive in.
Intro: 00:31 So the big question is this; How is it possible that one person alone can transform any relationship, save their marriage, create their unshakeable love, and unleash passion, divorce-proof their family, without needing their partner to get on board and do this with them, and yet still get to be happily, authentically you without compromise. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answer.
Stacey: 01:00 Alright. So we have literally just come off of delivering Relationship Breakthrough Retreat 2019. It was amazing, like literally, this is the sixth year that we’ve done RBR, and it was the best one ever. Like the best delivery, the best breakthroughs…
Paul: 01:17 Totally.
Stacey: 01:17 The highest level of fun. Like, it was just, I mean, obviously we’ve… you know, gotten a little better doing it every single year, and it’s always amazing, and the breakthroughs are always incredible, but this year was even to a next level. Even our students who were there that, like have been to three, four, five, six RBRs, all said like, this one was just a whole other level, was out of the park. And the level of breakthroughs that our students got were just unbelievable. Like that’s why it’s called Relationship Breakthrough Retreat, because it’s really about getting a total breakthrough to the next level in your relationship in just three days.
Stacey: 01:55 Like in just three days. Think about, like today, in the last three days, have you gotten a total breakthrough in your relationship to the next level? Probably not, you know, so that’s why people keep coming to Relationship Breakthrough Retreat every single year, year after year, because who doesn’t want to break through to the next level in their relationship, whether you’re saving a marriage, bringing passion back to a marriage, divorce proofing a great marriage and taking it to the next level, transforming your parenting, your work relationships, whatever it is, it’s about taking those relationships to the next level, taking yourself to the next level, because it really is, it’s transformative. So what were some of the awesome things about Relationship Breakthrough Retreat? Let’s start there. Like, let’s go behind the scenes. What were some of your favorite things?
Paul: 02:40 Well, some of my favorite things were, first of all, the crowd was amazing, you know, the… the people that come out to Relationship Breakthrough Retreat are totally awesome people. You can feel it when you’re in that group. We feel it from the stage. The interactivity with that group was amazing. So, honestly, I loved the audience, first of all, it was one of my favorites things.
Stacey: 02:56 Yes. Relationship transformers, you rock.
Paul: 02:58 Yeah. So the other thing too is, we won’t normally, you know, sort of pat ourselves on the back, but I will say that, you know…
Stacey: 03:06 Go ahead Paul. Pat us on the back.
Paul: 03:07 For anyone who sort of had to deliver in front of a crowd, do you know when it… when you’ve done it well, in the way that you wanted to, where you delivered for them in the way you were expected to deliver. And I will just say that, you know, having done this so many times now, that I feel like, first of all, you and I, how we interact, how we go back and forth, we just dynamically deliver. Stacey and I don’t need to be tied down to any structure on a regular basis. We can interact back and forth, and just deliver what the message was that we wanted, with the best of both of us. And I think that, this year, our interactivity between the both of us really was….
Stacey: 03:37 People kept commenting on that too though. It wasn’t just that we felt it right. It’s like even our team, our students were commenting on how, because that’s one of the greatest benefits by the way of coming to a live event with me. And Paul is sure you’re getting tools, you’re getting solutions, you’re also getting to see it live.
Paul: 03:56 Exactly.
Stacey: 03:57 Cause he’s my husband, I’m his wife, he’s a dude. I’m a girl. So you’re getting to actually see, see us live relationship development with each other up on stage, delivering 15 hours a day, three days in a row, not a lot of sleep. And we’re laughing and we’re gracious with each other and we’re supporting each other and we’re loving each other. Like you get to actually see it and experience it. And yeah, it was at a whole other level this year. I love that.
Paul: 04:25 Yeah. So I love that aspect. And truthfully, you know, we, again, we’ve done it so much that it seemed to be received by this amazing audience in the same way we had intended it to. We’ve done it so many times that we’re very clear about how to get that message through, how to get the breakthroughs that people need as part of that session, the way we intended it. And it seemed like everything was just hitting the sweet spot in the mark. So it resonated back the same way that we know we intended to deliver it. So from a personal level we feel like we hit the stride that we were looking to hit with them to give them those breakthroughs and it just meshed up perfectly. So I really enjoyed, you know, just how on target everything was and the kinds of breakthroughs people were getting on that event.
Stacey: 05:06 Yeah, it was incredible. I will say that one of my favorite moments, I’m trying to go back to like day one, day two, day three on day one. I think one of my favorite moments was the process that you took everybody through on night one through our forgiveness process. If you’ve never been through our five-step forgiveness process, Paul and I created this unique five time forgiveness process long, long time ago. It’s part of our eight step system for transforming any relationship and it’s totally different. It’s unlike anything else that’s ever been done. And actually that’s probably why it’s extremely effective. We’ve been using this process for years to help people release themselves, free themselves from things that they haven’t been able to forgive themselves and others about like could be something that they’ve been holding onto for 2030 years and be able to just release and be free.
Stacey: 05:53 And when you do that process with us, live in the and an immersion experience, you actually get the experience of really seeing it like in your nervous system, in your blueprint and in your body. And it’s just so powerful. It’s so freeing and so empowering and Paul is a huge part of taking our students through that process and watching you do that and seeing them have this unbelievable freedom that they did not walk in the door with that morning. To me, that’s just life changing. It always brings me to the most humble, grateful place of just being so grateful that we get to actually do that service for people.
Paul: 06:35 Yeah, I will say that I agree. Like I love that segment. Whenever we do that, I just love, you know, the outcome. I love seeing the transformations. So that is always a favorite of mine too. And I’d also say just for those, because we’re telling people what RBR is about, we’re trying to give them the behind the scenes look. Also want to point out that that is exactly one of the primary reasons why we do this live event is because we’re able to give people actual experiences. It’s not just like learning and cognitive. Yeah. This is just one example of the kinds of experiences that allow us to deliver something for everyone to give them a transformation on the spot. So in the moment, and that’s a perfect example of one of those times. So
Stacey: 07:10 yeah. Awesome. J one at RBR is clarity and freedom day and I think that just really like kept it off even though the breakthroughs all day long were crazy. Whether it was teaching them actually how to build trust. Like how do we build trust? It seems like one of like the eighth wonders of the world. Right? But we actually have a proven process for it and we went through that process on day one. Like there’s so many different things we did. Um, but to me day one, that was one of my favorite moments day to is masculine and Feminine Day. One of our favorite favorite days. And I would say on day two, one of my favorite moments, well I love the yellow brick road when we do the yellow brick road with our students and they share their inspirational stories. That to me is a game changer.
Stacey: 07:56 You know, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard this, the like four minute mile story guys ever heard that. Or like Roger Bannister was the first man to ever break the four minute mile before he had done that. No one had ever broken a four minute mile. And then once he did it, like the following year, I don’t know how many people, but like more than a dozen people also ran a four minute mile and broke his record. See, once you see that someone else has done it, it changes something in your belief system. Like before he had done that, people dreamed of it. People wondered if it was possible. Maybe some people even hoped that they would do it one day, but once he did it, all of those dreamings, all of those wondering, all of that possibility became, oh, it’s not just possible. It’s been done now are you going to do it?
Stacey: 08:44 And that’s what we do for people with our yellow brick road process where some of our students who’ve been through our relationship u program shared their stories of where they and where they are now. Like life changing stuff from like I was planning my escape with my kids while he was at work too. We are unshakable and I had no idea love could be like this. You know those kinds of stories take people from, I hope, I wonder is it possible to, oh no, it’s been done. It’s a proven process or do you want to do it? And there’s something about that level of belief that certainty that people get when they hear those stories. You can see it on their faces. That’s why I love what we do. I love relationship development because it’s not about hope. It’s not about wonders, not about possibility.
Stacey: 09:36 It’s proven. It’s been done. We have a 1% divorce rate in our relationship. You program, our students are lining up by the hundreds to share their stories and share their results because it’s been done and when you know that it’s like, oh, it has been done. I don’t have to hope now I just have to decide am I next? So I think that was one of my highlights, although we did tons of masculine, feminine south on that day. It really, really good tools and experiences since we did yellow brick road on the day. I think that was one of my favorites.
Paul: 10:07 Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree. And it’s such a powerful dynamic because you know that whole four minute mile, if you think about it right off the bat, some people are sitting there thinking, can I or is it possible as opposed to how can I, because somebody else already has. Yes. If you do that in any area of your life, you’ll start to already have different results because your mind is already in the right solution, right? You’re looking to support the solution. Like I know I can. How do I do that? So that is a powerful moment. I always love those yellow brick road moments as well to those segments. And
Stacey: 10:39 you know, it’s amazing. We get, obviously we get loads and loads of emails and comments and people reaching out to us every single day of every single week and the huge percentage of, oh my gosh, I love what you guys are doing, but I don’t know if that’ll work for me because of whatever is, it’s unbelievable. The number of emails and, and stories we received like that. People who were like, oh, I don’t know if that’ll work for me because I don’t know if it’s even possible for me because, and then when you see student after student after student, whether it’s getting over in a fair or a medical challenge or financial crisis or this with that, or not living together or you know, blended families and xs and all of these different, whatever it is. And I’ve maybe, I didn’t even name your particular family challenge, but we’ve pretty much run the gamut of all of them.
Stacey: 11:35 Whether it’s abuse in your past or a medical challenges now where a kid with special needs or all of the different things that we have to navigate as families. Like we’ve done that, we’ve solved those. As far as relationship solutions go, there’s really nothing we haven’t solved. So just so you know, like that’s why I love these four minute miles because then people are like, oh wow, like if that worked for them, like I’m not sitting here planning my escape while he was at work. Like it’s not like that. So clearly if that worked for her it will work for me. Like this kind of stuff just to me is so empowering. Also when you hear everybody else’s stories, as one of our students was quoted for saying years ago, you figure out really quickly that we all have the same crap. We all have the same crap.
Stacey: 12:25 There’s all kinds of stuff going on in everybody’s households and it’s not until we all come together in a safe space where people completely trust in the process of getting these solutions. Do you realize that, okay, like there are loads of people who are, have been navigating this thing with their kid. There are loads of people who are navigating this thing with their spouse. There are loads of people who are navigating this family of origin or this work drama or this or that. Like we all have the same crap and it’s empowering to know it’s not just you, it’s not just your partners, not just your kids. It’s families and there are solutions for it. So that part really speaks to me.
Paul: 13:01 What were one of the surprises of the event for you?
Stacey: 13:03 Oh my gosh. One of the surprises of the event, I would say, well, I’m going to say behind the scenes surprise because you know, obviously you can imagine there’s a lot that goes into producing this event. You know, our team works on this actually a whole year. They started working on RBR 2020 while we were at RBR 2019. Um, our whole team goes all in to deliver this event at a level that’s just beyond, beyond and they always do such an amazing job. But to me, one of the beautiful surprises of this event that I didn’t really know what was going to happen was from our ru leadership team, we have our leaders from our U, they volunteer to contribute their time to serve our communities because they’ve gotten so much life changing results from relationship you that they step up to contribute. And one of the ways that they contribute is by serving at our live events to serve all of our attendees, to take great care of them, to make sure that they’re having the best possible events, attend to all the things and and participate on the event team and all that.
Stacey: 14:07 And our, are you leadership team? They’re also the same people by the way, supporting you and the relationship transformer Facebook group and answering your questions and giving you the guidance and sharing those insights because they’ve journeyed this for like one, two, three, four, five, six years of relationship development and different levels of mastery. And so they’re the ones that show up every day in our Facebook groups and support people and they also show up at our live event and maybe some of them have touched your life already, right? If you’ve posted questions and stuff like that. And our relationship transformer Facebook group, the ru leadership are the ones who are there stepping up to serve you. And they’re with me in there every single day and they showed up at our event. They always do and they do an amazing job. But this year man, all my gosh, the ru was like on fire this year at the event they took the whole thing to the next level from there, energy of celebration and humor and passion to their service, to caring for every attendee, making sure everything went smoothly, like the ru leadership super stepped up at this event.
Stacey: 15:10 And just took the entire event experience to a whole other level, not just for us, but for the attendees too. People keep saying, I was like, oh my gosh, your event team is unbelievable. Like these are the greatest people I’m having the best time. And I just want to say, are you leadership? You Rock, you did an amazing job. That was one of the surprises of the event. Yeah. For me that I really, really love.
Paul: 15:33 Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly. They were amazing. And then at the same time we also get those unpleasant surprises, you know, we call them the Kerfuffles so I can think of one. You know, there’s always something that goes wrong, but I will say that I’m grateful for the things that went wrong this year. You know, in past years we’ve had kerfuffles which meant the hotel air conditioning broke and so there’s a lot warmer in there than we wanted.
Stacey: 15:56 Yeah. That was the last, not this year, but two years ago and last year the hotel air conditioning broke while we were in the event. And Wu, you don’t like a warm event room. We got it fixed, like they brought everything in and got it fixed. But yeah, we didn’t have that this year. So grateful for no braking.
Paul: 16:13 Yeah. You know, the kind of Kerfuffles we had this year were, you know, we did this new thing where we just started working out. It’s an experiential as part of the event. And we were stacking these bricks right on stage, not real bricks. Boy.
Stacey: 16:28 You know how you build the paper bricks with your kids, the ones you get a box and you fold them cardboard blocks and you make like bricks. We were using bricks like that on stage and we were building [inaudible]
Paul: 16:39 stack them up. And for those of you who haven’t been on one of those stages, there are individual segments. And as it turns out, if you stepped on the one segment on this one, like a little bit of the other side lifts up. So here we’re stacking up this wall across several segments of the stage and any walking causes instability. So as we’re doing it, as I’m speaking, parts of the wall were falling down perfectly for being a brick wall experiential. To a big giant game of Jenga and a lot of laughter from the audience, which we, you know, which happens and it’s perfect cause you know, we don’t have to be perfect here. It was a concept that was going through and everybody had a good time with it. You know, when things go wrong, you know, it’s one of the things we teach. You don’t have to get all out of whack about it or if you’re like, oh that had to be perfect. No, it’s real life. Right. So anyway, it was one of those funny kerfuffles that came up during the event that I actually enjoyed.
Stacey: 17:26 Awesome. So one thing that I wanted to share today too, as part of this podcast is every year when we do this event on the last day, Poland, I send an email out to every single attendee. It’s called the we love you email them. It’s basically saying, oh my gosh, you plead fill out, you did it. We’re celebrating you and we love you. We love you for being the hero for your family, for stepping up and saying, yes, you are one of the few who did versus the many who talk. You were there, you transformed yourself and your family’s legacy is forever change the trajectory of your family because you were at relationship breakthrough retreat on behalf of your children and your children’s children. I am thanking you for making this world a better place by being, they’re like, we love you. And hit reply and tell us what was your biggest takeaway from the event?
Stacey: 18:16 Because we’d love to hear from you. And one of my favorite things to do after this event is to sit and read all of the emails that come back. My team compiles them and Paul and I read every single one. Man. It’s always like, it’s just an elated moment. I have tears of joy and impact and laughter a lot of the Times too. And I never actually shared any of the breakthroughs that people share, their takeaways, the greatest takeaway that they got. And that was the question. So we wanted to share a few of those with you because that’s really like just to experience the power of it and what’s possible. So I’ll read a couple of these. This one is from Shawna and she said, when my friend Theresa told me she was doing this program, I was already fascinated about how much her language had changed.
Stacey: 19:06 She talked a little about demand relationship, but I was a little confused until you and Paul laid it all out. I know for sure I’m in a demand relationship and really blown away to realize how much I have contributed to it by either pleasing my man or flipping my switch and taking on the power role. I also realized how much, I’m not approaching my husband with feminine energy, but rather using words like unacceptable and that’s not how we treat each other. I’m really looking forward to trying out some new skills. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your program is magnificent. Oh, we’re psyched for you Shauna. You are so welcome. See if we share another one. All right, awesome. This one says, you’ve invited me into a higher elevation of seeing and living in this world. I’ve regained hope for myself and for humanity. Just thinking about the possibilities of your vision for this movement being realized.
Stacey: 20:02 That’s awesome. Awesome, and this one from Nadia. My biggest takeaway is that a lot of people are in the same situation and that it can be turned around by just one person doing the work with the support of this tribe, the tools you presented, video clips and just watching the two of you interact on stage has put confidence in me that I can do this for my family and I have the tools and support necessary to make my relationships the best they can be. That’s awesome. Awesome. Oh, I love this one. This one’s from Dennis. He said, I observe a lot and watching you and Paul together and apart watching the other people you had already affected and were newly teaching, hearing your message, it eventually reached me. I’ve been following my path of growth always for my family. They are everything to me and they are my purpose.
Stacey: 20:53 I want to leave a complete legacy for them. I want to help others. I got so focused on growing my business and wanted more of that and self-growth from a business centric perspective, I realized you guys could offer me a path from a family and people centric perspective. So I did it. I committed my growth to your methods. I can relate to both of you and admire you both in different ways. I don’t want to be the nice guy. It’s not who I am. I want to be the good guy. I want to be nice, but not the nice guy. As Paul says, Paul reached me with words like honor and integrity. Last words. In this day and age, I may be rough or intense or whatever else they say, but honor and integrity are the first two bricks in my foundation, Paul, and you reflected those values, wore them proud and spoke them loud. I read your faces as you watched the videos, demonstrating your values while others watch the videos. I watched your faces. Ultimately what I saw in your faces sold me more than most anything else. Oh, and you also made me laugh, so I figured, what the hell I’m going to jump all in.
Stacey: 22:08 I love that. I love that too. This one’s from Andrea. She said there were so many takeaways from me. I realized I haven’t been all in my whole life. I realized I had been judging my husband for his differences because I didn’t understand them. Anyone relate to that? I realized that I do have the power to change our relationship and I realized that changing myself will change my life and those around me for the better. That’s awesome. Awesome. Janine wrote in and she said, dear Stacy and Paul, thank you so much for an amazing, informative three days. It was such a gift to me and my husband. I’m so happy that I opened that email from Chris work and it was perfect timing too. My biggest takeaway from the treat was to stop pleasing and compromising to operate from my heart and not fear to remove blame and take personal responsibility even if it’s not my fault, and to remove triggers and raise my resistance set point.
Stacey: 23:05 It was so wonderful to witness your great love and respect for one another as well as your commitment and your team’s commitment to helping others with your mission. I’m excited to begin a new with much love and fangs. Oh, I love it. I love it. They go on and on and on. Stephanie wrote in, she said, my biggest takeaway for me was to stay out of accidental alignment and get those systems in place. Thanks to both you and Paul for an amazing RBR. I feel shifted, renewed and on fire for the changes to come. Um, these go on and on and on. Lakshmi wrote in, Hi Stacy and Paul. I’m not sure how you both do this, but the last three days were the second best days of my life, only next to my honeymoon. My biggest takeaway was you need an alignment first in every relationship and scarcity of time is an illusion.
Stacey: 23:56 I walked in thinking my relationship is hanging by a thread only to realize as I shifted, I am only just in a passion, less relationship and I have time to fix it myself. Everything that Paul mentioned about mature, masculine serving and purpose. My husband shows up in that energy every day and I have somehow failed to see all of that. Clearly my protective fake masculine wasn’t helping me either. Overall, I’m back home with three major realizations. One, my husband is mature masculine too. My husband is in my left hand and three, I need an alignment on household processes so I don’t get triggered all day long and p s I have a list of brick conversations ready to go so I’m ready to get the first one done. Thank you. Thank you. Love you both. And these go on and on. I’ve got stacks and stacks of them. I just love these results.
Paul: 24:46 Me too. I mean that’s what we do at forest is just so people can have that transformation in their life, own it and just, you know, shortcut what would have been years and years and years of unnecessary suffering into the trajectory of transforming that relationship. So love it.
Stacey: 25:02 Every single person that attended that event, as Paula wee says, walked in one way and walked out another, transformed, not like learned a ton of stuff and now I have to go apply it, walked in one way and walked out another for themselves, their spouse, their family, like every relationship will be transformed. And that is just, that’s what we’re here for. That’s the mission of relationship development. That’s why we do what we do.
Paul: 25:27 Yup. All right. So at this point we always want to close with something, right? You want to take some kind of an action. So the action steps for today is what can you start doing now? Well, I think you might want to get on that wait list for the RBR too when he 20 and you can do [email protected] and on the next episode, Stacy and I are going to walk you through some of the craziest weeks of our lives. Now I’ll just say we do crazy stuff. Um, and we move at the speed of light, uh, often. And you know those around us know like it’s hard to keep up at times. So you know, this next podcast is going to be informative and you’ll learn some things from it. But it’s about our move to Idaho just days after the RBR live event. We’re going to walk you through some of our journey is a little bit crazy at times and share the good, the bad and the ugly about the move.
Paul: 26:17 And the interesting thing that our movers and packers and organizers said about our family and the learning lessons around this, because you know, like everything in life, there’s so much that could be learned or not learned and result in some negative outcomes. So by sharing some of our story, we want to help some people using our own life, which is what we typically do so that you don’t have to incur the same challenges and learn from us, but also get the real gift that life had intended from any experiences that seem challenging or you know, like we say the good, the bad and the ugly about the move. Like there’s reasons for those things. So you want to tune in and get those gifts about our journey. It’s not just us talking about our move as if we love our move. You know, we’re here for you. It’s not about us. So definitely you want to tune into that one and get the guests for yourself. Yeah.
Stacey: 27:05 Awesome. If you love the relationship transformer podcast, take a screenshot of your phone, share it, and get it out there for the other families who need to hear it too. Until next time, remember together we are changing the way relationship is done.
Outro: 27:24 Okay. Are you ready to catapult your relationship forward to the next level in just three days, surrounded by relationship transformers on the journey with you? Then go grab your live event tickets at RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com, and we will see you.