What’s The Episode About:
In this episode, Paul and Stacey will share a clip of themselves teaching one of the most powerful tools LIVE during Relationship Breakthrough Retreat 2019. The session was all about the importance of recognizing and seizing opportunities whenever they present themselves to us.
They talked about the “Hand of Vlad”, a tool that we all need to learn in order to seize opportunities and solve any challenges that we come across in life. Listen, learn, apply.
Key Points Discussed:
- Aiming for those things that are outside your comfort zone (00:53)
- Life is like Vlad on a trapeze (03:50)
- Asking for help is not a weakness (06:28)
- The one thing you’re scared to do is exactly the thing you need to do (08:04)
- Things that go wrong are not a failure (09:53)
Where Can I Learn More:
- Have you signed up for The D.I.R.T. ?! http://bit.ly/2KlobXZ
- Check out our programs: www.RelationshipDevelopment.org/Programs
- See our upcoming events: www.RelationshipDevelopment.org/Events
When Did It Air:
September 26, 2019
Disclaimer: The Transcript Is Auto-Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors
Paul: 00:00 Hey relationship transformers. Welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast. Today, Stacey and I are going to share a clip of us teaching one of the most powerful tools LIVE during Relationship Breakthrough Retreat. If you want one of the key solutions to solve any challenge that you come across, then you have to learn the Hand of Vlad tool. So let’s queue up the intro and dive in.
Intro: 00:25 So the big question is this, how is it possible that one person alone can transform any relationship, save their marriage, great their unshakeable love and unleash passion, divorce, proof their family without needing their partner to get on board and do this with them and yet still get to be happily, authentically you without compromise. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answer.
Paul: 00:53 So, what I’m going to share with you now, is something that has become… actually very foundational for everything that we do. And you’re gonna hear this a lot, but I want to give you the backstory. I want to give you the vision. So I want you to imagine for a second that you want something. There’s something that you want in life and it’s one of those things that are outside your comfort zone, and you know it’s outside of your comfort zone. You’re like, “I have no idea how I could possibly get there. The gap seems too big, but I know I want it. I don’t know how to get there.” So, we like to use this metaphor of a trapeze. Now, a trapeze, for those of you who’ve been to the circus, you know like, there are these like, little ladders, it seems like they’re this wide somehow, like when you’re looking at them, they look really narrow.
Paul: 01:33 These ladders that go… defy gravity and they go straight up into the sky into like the darkness, so super hot. And at the top, there’s this like little board, Stacey calls it the cracker. It’s like at the top. These people have to like, they get up there and I have to like stand on this cracker as part of this process. So I want you to imagine that you’re at the trapeze, and you see that on both sides, there are these little ladder things, and at the top, there’s a cracker. Somehow, and the thing that you want, by the way, is on the other cracker on the other side, you’re over here, you’re just looking at the ladder. You’re like, “Oh, I only want to climb that ladder.” Right? But that’s what you have to do.
Paul: 02:09 Like you see it’s too big. It’s bigger than you’re ready for. So if you really want it, you start or life pushes you, which is unfortunately where life by default takes you. Like you end up getting pushed. If you try to avoid certain things and then you find yourself in an uncomfortable spot, but one way or another you choose or get pushed up that ladder, and now it’s you standing on the cracker. So as you stand on the cracker, it’s dark up there. Like occasionally a spotlight comes by. What you want is on the other side, and it’s a tiny little crack. You can’t even see it right now, but you know it’s out there. So, in the meantime, what happens on the trapeze? Somebody is up there, right? Whenever. See like these trapeze artists, there’s like one person and like all of a sudden, like this one person is just swinging out of the darkness, and you can see a trapeze person and they swing back.
Paul: 02:55 Well, that person on the trapeze didn’t get there lightly. So, the person on the trapeze, we like to call him Vlad. So Vlad has spent his whole life on the trapeze. His mother, his father, his grandfather, his grandmother, all trapeze artists, like the lineage of trapeze artists above Vlad is lengthy. That’s all they’ve ever known as a family. They live on that trapeze. In fact, when Vlad was born, Vlad’s mother was one of those people who could hang on like, by one finger, you know, one toe, and all kind of stuff. Swinging back gracefully. And she’s swinging Vlad with her breastfeeding while she’s on a trapeze. Right? That’s how comfortable Vlad is. He’s like, he’s known nothing else. This is home for him. So, Vlad is the guy who’s on that trapeze. You’re the one up on that cracker. Right? You’re sitting there, it’s like, “It’s cold up here. It’s dark. And man, what I want is over there.”
Paul: 03:50 And all of a sudden this guy Vlad swings across, he’s like, “Take my hand.” Right? Best I could do. Sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger, I get it. But anyway, nonetheless, his name is Vlad. So Vlad swings out and he offers you his hand, right? But does Vlad just stay there floating in a manner like nonstop? Like dude, like hello. No, he’s on a trapeze and Vlad like swings back out and like he goes back into the darkness. Life is like that. When I said to take action and move before I meant it. You have to create an opening and you’re looking for what? The opportunities. Don’t just sit there waiting for you to come along, right? Is there a few to take the hand of lad or not? It is a choice. And with life, just like the trapeze, it swings back now your Opportunity’s gone now maybe you’re lucky now this is a trapeze.
Paul: 04:45 We kind of know how gravity and physics work on this one. Now Vlad will swing back and here’s really where some of the greatest lessons are going to come from, from bland because Vlad is the answer to get you from one side to the other. He knows how to get you there. He can take monkeys across, you know, juggle as he goes. He can certainly take you from one cracker over to the other, drop you over there and you’re where you want it to be. It’s so far beyond where you ever thought you can get on your own, but you take the Hand of Vlad when Vlad is available because it doesn’t always last. It’s not going to just stay there waiting for you and uh, think this is where you wanna.
Stacey: 05:26 Yeah. Okay. So I want to ask at this point, you really want to get to the other side. Flats swings in the distance and reaches out his hand. How many of you would jump without the trap? He is guy swinging towards you. Just jump to the empty bar. Say, no thanks. Glad I’m going to do this. I’m on my own. I got it. And just jump into the darkness without Vlad. Anybody fracture. There are some of the liars I call bullshit because you do it all the time. Somebody has already solved the problem you’re struggling with and they show up in your Facebook feed or wherever and say, here’s the proven solution, and you’re like, Nah, I got it. I’ll figure it out myself. No, I can’t do that. I don’t have time. No, that’s not for me, and you don’t reach for the Hand of Vlad.
Stacey: 06:28 You decide to do it yourself and you either jump and most likely fall or worse. You talk yourself out of jumping while you’re on the cracker and climb back down and you never do it. Asking for help is not a weakness. This is an epidemic right now. This whole crap that asking for help is somehow a weakness or that if somebody has to help me, it doesn’t count. How about I shouldn’t have to ask for help with this? It’s love, right? Aren’t we all supposed to be able to just do love? Why do I have to ask for help with that? It’s parenting. I gave birth to them. Why should I need help with that? What’s wrong with me that I need help with that I can’t show that I need to ask somebody for help. I’ll be stronger if I do this on my own.
Stacey: 07:26 The truth is you actually need to be stronger to reach for the hand of Lad. Then you do to stay stuck in doing it by yourself because the thing that’s keeping you stuck, trying to do it by yourself or all the fears that I just listed, all the bs we tell ourselves about not wanting to look bad, not thinking we’re worth it, thinking that it doesn’t count all significance, all crap, not serving US demand relationship. It takes a lot more strength to say, yeah, you know what? I’m going to be bold and I’m going to reach for the hand of the expert. Usually, the one thing you’re scared to do is exactly the thing you need to do sucks, right? You want to talk about what happens when you fail? You fall,
Paul: 08:14 so let’s say you do what most people actually really do try to do with themselves and then they fall. That was a scary-ass fall, right? Getting all the way down to the bottom. And the problem is what we tell ourselves when we hit the ground on that one is a whole lot of disempowering stories. And what we say is, I shouldn’t have done that. The pain of falling from that, it was too great. I should not have done that. So your takeaway lesson is, I shouldn’t have reached for what it was for that thing that I really wanted. That was a mistake. That’s really painful. That’s not for me. Where were they? Is that slice celebs not up. They were at their what? The panic point and what did they do? They retreated and in a big way because now there’s a lot of pain behind it and why you should not go back down that road again.
Paul: 09:13 Now was the fall really the problem? No. They looked at that whole experience as solid under the lens of, I did this, I tried it, I failed. So I shouldn’t do that. When in reality, the truth was right there all along. The truth is it was already outside of your comfort zone. You didn’t take the hand of lad flat. Could’ve taken you across that gap to the other side, planted you on that next cracker and you could have been done with this, but we stay stuck there and what are your chances of going back up that ladder again the next time to try it again? Not so much, but Vlad can take you there. That’s why Stacey said earlier to pull you to the comfort zone. We mislabel things that go wrong as a failure, as something we shouldn’t have done or some other store like I’m not enough.
Paul: 10:00 I can’t do it. That dream is not for me, so I guess I should give up on it. Sad. It’s sad, but it’s real and it happens for everyone only because it’s been off of our radar as to what really happened. The problem wasn’t that you decided to jump problem wasn’t that you wanted something that was outside of your comfort zone. Yes. The problem is you didn’t use a strategy to get there and understand what you were up against, which is why Stacy and I have shown you the way. When you see what it is that you’re up against, it loses all power over you. With clarity, you will make the right mental connections with, if you had to get up again and you didn’t take the hand of lad and you’ll get up again knowing I know what to do now, I’m going to move forward.
Paul: 10:41 None of us should be giving up on what it is that we want, especially if it was outside your current comfort zone. The magic of what you want. As Keith Cunningham says so well, everything you wanted was just outside your current comfort zone. Two questions is… are you going to go get it as Keith says, and then there’s a way to do it because we recognize when you recognize, again like not trying to say we’re superheroes here, but when you recognize your limits as a human, understand them and remove the fear aspect from it so that you can move forward. Now you’re free, which is one of the themes of what today is about. You are free to go forward what you want. It was only us that held us back from what it was and the stories we tell ourselves about why we failed the first time.
Stacey: 11:29 Awesome. One thing that Paul said and I just want to capture it again, write it down like don’t miss this. It wasn’t leaping that caused your pain. It was leaping without taking the hand of Vlad. That was the cause of the pain.
Paul: 11:47 All right? Powerful stuff, right? Hopefully, you got a lot out of that last episode. So before leaving, we need to have some action steps. What can you start doing now? First, action step number one, clarity. What is an area of your life where you want a result that you don’t yet have? Number two, who is the hand of ladder in that area for you? Number three, action. Start working with them so you get the results that you want.
Stacey: 12:16 Okay? If the area of your life where you want better results in relationships, then please grab our hand. Come to one of our programs come to a live event. We’ve helped thousands of people swing across the trapeze to life and love beyond their wildest dreams. On the other side and you certainly deserve to be next. If you love the relationship transformer podcast, please spread the word and share it. Until next time, remember, together we are changing the way relationship is done.
Outro: 12:51 Hey, would you like to get big results in your relationships in just 10 seconds a day? If so, then subscribe to our daily inspiration for relationship transformers or the D.I.R.T at www.MartinoPodcast.com/DIRT.