22: Why Living in Balance is Making You Miserable

22: Why Living in Balance is Making You Miserable

What’s The Episode About:

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will share all about how the societal pressure to live in balance is making you miserable and creating crap results. The fact is, when everybody tells you that you have to live in balance, all that does is make you feel bad about yourself.

You feel bad because you think that you’re not getting good results by not living in balance. Listen in to learn how you can live out of balance and create extraordinary results for yourself and your family.  You’ll also hear how our new program will help you with this and how you can get access to it now.

Key Points Discussed: 

  • The biggest boost for any relationship (01:07)
  • Living in balance versus living out of balance (04:42)
  • Living beyond where you’ve been living to get extraordinary results (07:34)
  • Living strategically and living your priorities (11:15)
  • Going all in to create and release the 14-Day Boost Program (16:33)
  • Investing our time in solving the kerfuffles (20:56)

Where Can I Learn More:

When Did It Air:

September 19, 2019

Episode Transcript:

Disclaimer:  The Transcript Is Auto-Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors


Paul:               00:00 Hey Relationship Transformers, welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast. So today, Stacey and I are going to share all about how to live out of balance, and why all the crap that’s out there that tells you to live in balance is making you miserable and creating crap results. So we’re going to talk about our behind the scenes creation of our brand new 14-day Boost Program at 14dayboost.com and the amazing results that it creates and how this ties into the incredible results you can get when you decide to live out of balance. So let’s queue up the intro and dive in.


Intro:              00:38 So the big question is this, how is it possible that one person alone can transform any relationship, save their marriage, great their unshakeable love and unleash passion, divorce, proof their family without needing their partner to get on board and do this with them and yet still get to be happily, authentically you without compromise. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answer.


Stacey:             01:07 Alright. So, why did we create this boost 14-day Boost Program? And, I just want to give you a little bit of background about how this ties into our mission, and the kind of results that we’re getting for people. Like, we have never ever launched a program that was under 1,000 bucks. Like, we deliver results with our programs. We’re not just putting out content, we’re not just putting out education. Our programs, our events, are designed to literally create transformation, to literally deliver results. That’s why our RelationshipU program has a 1% divorce rate and a 99% success rate. That’s not because it’s garbage, or because we’re just putting out some education, we’re literally creating results. We know how to strategically do that. We do that in our quick start program. We do that in our live events, and it takes a lot of our time, and a lot of investment from our team to do that, and the results speak for themselves. And so, we have not had the bandwidth before this to create an entry-level program, or a taste of the kind of results you can get with the relationship development methodology.


Stacey:             02:13 And so, we’ve been working for the last few months on… “Okay, what if we could create a 14-day program? Like, how can we challenge ourselves to give unbelievable results to our students in just 14 days, even if they were never going to do anything again after the 14 days, how could we literally transform a person, transform their family in 14 days, and give unbelievable results?” And we really challenged ourselves to do that and we created as a result, this 14-day Boost Program, which by the way, right now, go get in at 14DayBoost.com. It’s the number one, the number four, DayBoost.com, because it’s a live program and we start… this one right now, starts tomorrow, Friday, September 20th. So, if you’re listening to this afterward, be sure to go to that page and sign up for the next one, the next time we do the 14-day boost because you don’t want to miss out on this chance to get in, right? For under 50 bucks, to be able to get a huge transformation.


Stacey:             03:15 The biggest boost your relationship is going to have all year in just 14 days. Like, why wouldn’t anybody do that? Right? It’s just crazy. It took months and months and months of creation for our team to figure out how we could deliver that kind of result in just 14 days, and now you can benefit by going deep with it, for 14 days, and getting like a crazy, unbelievable result for your family. That’s what we’re about here, is about the results for you, the results for your marriage, the results for your parenting, the results in all of your relationships that you are empowered with these tools, and how to create this transformation for life. Like, you’ll be able to do that just because you did a 14-day boost, right? So crazy. Such a short amount of time in and that’s kind of the mission behind why we created this program in addition to the other programs that we’ve had and how it fits in our yellow brick road of how people do our programs and why it’s been so important to us to do that.


Stacey:             04:14 Even though we had so many other things to do. So many other programs that we deliver on so many other events that we’re planning. We have an event coming up in a few weeks and yet we still hustled to get this done. And that’s kind of where this learning lesson came in and what we want to talk to you about today.


Paul:               04:30 I think that’s a perfect time. So let’s talk about how we created this Bruce and also Stacey talked to us about how this living out of balance strategy works and how it ties into the results.


Stacey:             04:42 See, here’s the thing, and I know this is gonna like shake some feathers and it’s contrarian to say living out of balance, when everybody tells you you have to live in balance, you have to balance, you have to be balanced. I’m just here to tell you that that is a bunch of crap and all of that talk is doing nothing but making you feel bad about yourself, right? Because everybody says, Oh, you have to be balanced, you have to live in balance. And then you look at your life and you’re like, dammit, I am totally non-unbalanced and now I know that’s why I’m suffering. That’s why I’m miserable and I’m not doing a good job at this and nobody in my family is in balance. You just end up feeling guilty. You feel bad about yourself and you think that you’re not getting good results because you’re not living in balanced or you’re not balancing yourself. And I’m here to tell you that that’s all a bunch of crap. When you try to live in balance, like a day of being balanced with yourself, you literally end up living in the middle and creating mediocre results. And that’s exactly why you have crap results, not because you’re not imbalanced enough. So because you’re too balanced.


Stacey:             05:43 So what is the strategy of living out of balance? The strategy is that the truth is if you want to create big results, if you want to live full out in life, whether you’re an entrepreneur or you’re in business or in your family or in your love relationship wherein your physical self or your wealth or whatever it is, you have to go all in. You have to give it 1000% you have to go deep and you do that for a short period of time. You get huge results because you gave 1000% and then you pull it back. You create balance in the next week. You create balance 10 days later and you pull your time back after you’ve been in for a thousand percent you can’t be a balanced person. He kept Pav a balanced day and create extraordinary results. Extraordinary results come from being out of balance from going all in.


Stacey:             06:36 Now, the only way this works is if you learn to have the emotional maturity and not live with your entire life on fire. Everything can’t be a fire. Everything can’t be an emergency. You have to be willing to live strategically and go 1000% in on something that’s really gonna make a difference. And then say, okay, now for the next 10 days, it needs to be normal pace. We need to have a normal life, we need to go have some fun, we need to get some sleep, we need to take care of ourselves, we need to get back to our best self-center. And then before we can go all in again like you can’t have back to backfires. And that’s what we say [email protected] nothing, everything can’t be a fire. That’s just not a way to live. You’re going to burn yourself out. And if you’re addicted, by the way to everything being a fire, in order to feel important, in order for you to feel worthy, in order for you to believe that it’s good, you’re gonna burn yourself out.


Stacey:             07:34 And in the process you’re going to create crap results. So there are two areas of the zone where you create crap results. One is everything’s always a fire. You’re living in an emergency. It’s Kinda like driving an ambulance as your family car and everything that you’re producing sucks because you’re way off the deep end fried. The other area where you create crap results in this zone is you live in the middle and keep yourself balanced every single day. You try not to get out of balance. All your results are mediocre. You’re dissatisfied with the mediocre and you don’t understand why it’s mediocre and you’re creating crap results and right in the middle is the zone of genius in this spectrum, which is learn how to create balance and chunks, right? Live out of balance in chunks. Go 1000% in to create an amazing result. Dedicate 14 days to transforming your relationship, your family, your parenting, your marriage. Go all-in for 14 days and then pull it back. Then get more sleep, then take better care of yourself. Whatever it is that you need to do. That is how you get extraordinary results. If you want results beyond the results that you’re getting, you have to live beyond how you’ve been living. You want to weigh in on that bit.


Paul:               08:55 I get it. You know, everyone has this feeling like we need to pull back and that’s instinctual and as correct and then we think, well, I must do this all the time and yet, in reality, life isn’t going to serve it up to us that way. Right? Things are going to happen and we need to build that muscle so that we’re capable of showing up with that kind of intensity and focus and strength in order to deliver whatever result you’re looking to do. Deliver as well as have the ability to turn that off. To be able to say, now is the time where I find my own inner peace or whatever it is that you need to do or my family is like, this is my quality time with my family. Now building that kind of structure and muscle into not only your life but your mindset is the way life can be best handled as opposed to thinking you’re going to push back against the way life is going to give it to you and you’re going to decide, you know, this is my peacetime, this is my meditation time or whatever.


Stacey:             09:47 When the world is delivering you just the opposite. We need to be able to respond in reality in the real world end, just like Stacy said, not live, they’re not live with everything is an emergency because it’s not, and I’m sure everybody’s had that experience at one point where you have all these things to do more than you could possibly handle and then somehow you get through the end of time handling the things that were important and the things that weren’t important actually kind of disappeared on their own. You know, you really have to be able to focus on what matters most. You know, the 20% that makes 80% of the difference, kind of a concept if you want to be successful because you won’t be able to deliver with perfection all the time in this world and as complicated as it is. So it was really a muscle that needs to be developed, not an escape strategy of I’m going to control the uncontrollable by forcing these boundaries that I’ve arbitrarily determined what time that will be and how that’s going to go.


Paul:               10:41 We have to be able to be more dynamic in this world. Resilient because that’s the way the world is. And if you look at nature, you’re not going to find that. You know, in most places, at least every day is not just a peaceful, perfect day. There are times where there are storms, right? Intense storms. There are times when it’s a cold day and intense day, there’s change that goes on all the time in nature. But for us to say that our world will be perfectly controlled, even though we live in a world that’s full of randomness and chaos at times isn’t realistic, and it’s not a strategy for success. We need to have that muscle to focus for a period of time.


Stacey:             11:15 I love it. And that really ties in so well to living strategically and living your priorities. Right. I know I’ve talked about this before, living your priorities, but like we just opened the 14-day Boost last weekend. There have only been a few days and already like loads and loads and loads of people have signed up and some people have commented like, Oh, you know, I wish I could, but this is not the right time for me, or I don’t know if I can get it done or what. Like it’s one of those things where what is your priority if you haven’t been working on your marriage relationship, if you haven’t been working on your skillset to handle your parenting, if you’ve not been improving the skill set to collaborate with your partner, like when is that going to happen? There’s going to be no time in your schedule where you’re going to open your calendar and it’s going to say you have nothing to do today, so go do something to improve yourself in your family.


Stacey:             12:08 Like it doesn’t happen that way, but sometimes we have to look at our schedule and be like, yeah, you know what? I agreed to a lot of stuff and I’m busy with a lot of stuff, but if I look at each item that takes up my time, it’s not actually the priorities that I set are the most important things in my life. Right? Who’s marriage is not worth 14 days, whose marriage is not worth 47 bucks, whose kids are not worth 47 bucks? I mean, come on. You already know. Of course they are way more than that. Priceless. And what are you doing with it? You know, what are you doing with that? Are you being strategic about where you spend your time and how you get it done? And by the same token, that’s exactly why we created the 14-day Boost Program the way that it is, right?


Stacey:             12:53 I’ve seen so many things that I also wanted to participate in. And then there are live classes or there are times that you have to be present for something. And I know like I would love to do that program, but I’m literally teaching a live Q and a call at the same time that that live class is being hosted. No matter how much I would want to be a part of it. I’ve already committed to hundreds of people to show up live on a Q and a call for them at that exact same time and it can’t be moved and so that’s why when we created the 14-day Boost, we didn’t create any live classes. All the curriculum is delivered on video in a private member site so you can consume it when it works for you and your schedule during the 14 days. Right, because otherwise we’re all stressed about time and what if I’m at work or what if I have to pick up the kids or what if that time doesn’t work out for me? This is just not realistic. That’s why we can’t do things like that anymore in these days. That’s why we have to be


Stacey:             13:50 okay, no joke. I can’t plan those things. Our fire alarm, just when we’re recording these, my guess, see everything can be a fire, right? We can’t set ourselves up for failure by having things like if it’s a live class time or whatever, where I know everybody’s busy. Why I could never do live classes during the 14 day boost and expect everybody in the world. First of all, we have students in 65 countries. Like we just, it’s just not reasonable. So we made all the classes for the 14 day boost on video. It’s in the private member site. Consume it when it works for you, but all during the 14 days, right? So if you need to do 30 to 60 minutes a day, every single day through the 14 days, do it. If you need to save it up and every four days, just spend two or three hours consuming it, do it.


Stacey:             14:40 You need to work it out so that it works within your life. Cause everybody’s life is unique, but you still need to go all in and say, okay, but I’m going to get it done during these 14 days. You know what happens if it was eight weeks, then you’d be putting it off. This week is not good. I’ll do it next week. Guess what? Next week shows up. This week is not good. I’ll do it next week when we have a deadline, things move. And that comes back to how we created this boost. So we were working on it in June. We didn’t get it done in June, and we had our live event in July. And so then we were in August. We had a huge number of students come into relationship u. We needed to focus on helping them get into the program, and Paul and I moved across the country, so we’re back to September and we wanted to open the boost and still hours.


Stacey:             15:26 We’re taking away. The days were ticking by and we’re like, we have to finish this content. All the content we want to put into this boost, right? We want to help them get freedom from moving into forgiveness, being able to release whatever unforgiveness they’re holding on to so that there’s even an opening to be willing to transform a relationship. Things need to be healed, things need to be forgiven. We need to forgive ourselves. We need to forgive other people like there are wounds that need to be healed, things that we need to move past transgressions and betrayals and disappointments and we need to heal those things for real. Not just like, Oh let it go. None of that crap like really actually experienced the release of forgiveness so that we’re even willing to transform that relationship and capable of doing it. Wanting to make sure we get that content in there and teaching you all about the our mega strategy for reducing kerfuffles in your marriage with your family, with your kids, teaching your kids of this mega strategy so they can reduce kerfuffle with their siblings, with their teachers like this mega strategy that go on to get in there is like the one game-changer tool that we wanted to make sure you have to reduce kerfuffles and build rapport.


Stacey:             16:33 We wanted to make sure we get that content in there and then teaching you how to create alignment as a team with your partner. Right. How to get on the same page when it comes to money or family or business or health or household or parenting or any of those things like wanting to make sure we get all that content in there. And there were so much to build and so much to do and the days were ticking away. And finally we just had a team meeting and we’re like, okay, push your shove. What are we going to do? Are we gonna get this boost out or are we pushed again? And as a team, we all decided, even though there’s really not enough hours in a day to go live by September 20th we’re gonna make it happen. We’re going to do it. Let’s all just commit.


Stacey:             17:12 We’ve had no fires since our event in July where everybody had to go all in. It’s time to do it. And so I personally also cause the content comes from me and Paul had to dedicate to stay up. I’ve been up since until I worked until one o’clock in the morning every morning for like a whole week in order to get all of this done to be able to launch this boost. And again, that’s an example of, okay, if I really want to meet a huge result for all of our students, I have to be willing to go deep. I have to be willing to say, okay, I’m 1000% in all in this week. I will get up at eight in the morning and I will not go to sleep until one in the morning in order to get this done. And then it has to stop.


Stacey:             17:53 Right? I can’t be a fire, I can’t do it again this week. I have to take care of myself. I have to be in bed by a certain time like, but I did, we went all in and I’ll tell you what we opened on Friday of last week, let people start enrolling and the program starts this Friday and tomorrow. If you’re listening to this live the day that we launch it. Otherwise, you can get into the next one by going to the same 14DayBoost.com and signing up so you don’t miss out on the next one. And that’s what I did like that’s about living out of balance. And then because I was willing to do that, I was able to create extraordinary results because the truth is the team said to me, they’re like, look, we could push this, but your October calendar is insanity. There’s not going to be a good time. And in November we’re working on something huge like it needs to be. Now the boost has to get out to families. Now let’s just go 1000% in, get out of balance, create a huge result, and then we’ll get back into balance. We’ll take our time back, everything can’t be an emergency. And we did it, we got it done. It does make a difference and the results speak for themselves.


Paul:               18:59 And you know, I think they need a little filter too. So I want to just give them an extra set of lenses for how to do this because the filter of something that you could look at and say, is this worth going 1000% in on or am I going to make this the fire of the moment where I am going to commit that kind of time. Is it worth it? Is it an investment? Like in other words, if you put that time in now, if you put that commitment in now, is it going to give you benefits from this day forward? Is it going to help you know, give you a better quality of life for example, as it does serve your purpose, whatever it is. Then you know like yes I invested, I put in my sweat and my tears or whatever it is on this investment, but I no longer have to suffer from the problems from this because I put that time in and if you look at the things that tend to drop away, going back to the original thing I was saying where like somethings just fall away, you’ll find they don’t have that element.


Paul:               19:48 They weren’t like background noise that we will focus busy-ness things we are focusing our time on, but they weren’t an investment into something that’s going to improve your life or advance your goals. So that’s a good filter to always decide what is it that I’m going to do this for.


Stacey:             20:04 And in our toolbox we call that escape or solution, right? So many of the busy-ness tasks in our day are escapes, right? There are things that we do to make ourselves feel better in the moment or not actually solving the things that cause us to not feel good in the first place, right? We stop at Starbucks or we get the purse or we call that person or we spend time on Facebook or we watch Netflix or we open a bottle of wine or all the different things that we’re doing in a day that suck up our time and we’re doing them as a distraction from the pain that is going on because we haven’t solved what’s causing that pain in our lives. Whether there’s a disconnection in our marriage or there are too many kerfuffles in the household or we’re about our relationship with our kid or our, it’s not where it needs to be or we’re worried about one of our kids or we have relationship kerfuffles in the workplace or whatever.


Stacey:             20:56 These things are. Invest your time in solving them so you don’t have the same kerfuffles tomorrow. That’s what these solutions are for. First of all, I’m super excited about the 14 day boosts and I really hope you’re going already to 14dayboost.com it’s the number one, the number four day boost.com and signing up like don’t miss it if like this is a live program, so we are going to close the doors starting when the booze starts and then you will have to wait until the next one, which right now we’re hoping that the next boost will be November. Don’t wait, don’t wait, but if you did miss this and you are listening to the podcast after that boost launch, get into the next boost, whatever that is. As long as this keeps working, we’re going to keep trying to do them. So go to 14dayboost.com get on the waiting list or sign up for the next one or whatever you need to do. But take action. That’s what this is about.


Paul:               21:50 Alright, so we need some action steps as usual, right? What can we start doing right now? So the takeaway for today, join the 14 day boost. Go to 14dayboost.com.


Stacey:             22:05 Yeah and sign up. This is your chance like to get the biggest boost your relationship will get in an entire year, in just 14 days. And for under 50 bucks. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know what else to say. Just join the booth. This is unheard of and incredible, and the results are unbelievable. If you have any questions, of course, just email us at [email protected]. We’ll answer those questions, but I’ll tell you what, pretty much any question you’re gonna ask us., we’ve answered at 14DayBoost.com. Go there, read the whole page, watch the video, and then if you have any questions, certainly email us, but sign up. Take Action now. And if you’ve loved this podcast and the other podcasts, take a screenshot of your phone, share it, put it out there, and share it with the families who really need it. And until next time, remember, together we are changing the way relationship is done.


Outro:          23:00 Hey, would you like to get big results in your relationships in just 10 seconds a day? If so, then subscribe to our daily inspiration for relationship transformers or the D.I.R.T at www.MartinoPodcast.com/DIRT.


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