40: Relationship Development Parenting Part 2 – The Misery of Parenting

40: Relationship Development Parenting Part 2 – The Misery of Parenting

What’s The Episode About:

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will do part two of the two-part series on relationship development parenting. They will share the second clip from behind scenes of their filming for the Relationship Development Parenting Program that they will be releasing this year. In this particular clip, they addressed the issue of misery in parenting. This is a topic that might ruffle some feathers with a lot of people, but it’s a not so open secret that it affects a lot of parents in our society today.

Most, if not all parents, have moments when they struggle with their parenting, and it’s an issue that they don’t like to talk about or admit because they fear that it may make them sound like bad parents, but this issue has to be discussed openly for it to be solved, and Paul and Stacey will do just that. When a parent finds themselves being miserable in their parenting, they usually think it’s because they hate their kids, but the reality is that it all comes from the fact that they hate demand parenting because it never works.

Stay tuned as Paul and Stacey dive deeper into that, and share how you can solve it today so you can stop demand parenting, break its chains on your family’s legacy, create a new foundation for your kids based on relationship development parenting, build up your relationship with them instead of watching it deteriorate over time, and prepare them for a future where they will be able to navigate life.

Key Points Discussed:

  • It’s the demand parenting you hate not the kids (02:18)
  • The detriment of never accepting the invisible assumptions that we operate from as parents (03:56)
  • We must stop beating ourselves up for our actions as parents (07:29)
  • The boomerang effect of being stuck in demand parenting (10:06)

Where Can I Learn More:

  • Get access to the Relationship Breakthrough Retreat – here
  • Join the 14-Day Boost – here
  • Join our Relationship Development Community – here

When Did It Air:

01/23/2020

Episode Transcript:

Disclaimer:  The Transcript Is Auto-Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors

Stacey:             00:00 Hey relationship transformers. Welcome to the Relationship Transformers podcast. Okay. This is going to be part two of our relationship development parenting preview podcast where last week we shared part one. I gave you a clip of Paul and I behind the scenes kind of doing some of the filming for the Relationship Development Parenting program that we’re building to be released this year, with loads of tools and strategies on how to stop demand parenting, how to break the chains of demand parenting in our family’s legacy, and create a new foundation for our kids based on relationship development parenting where we can have a peaceful and harmonious household, prepare our children for their future, and how to navigate life, and build up our relationship with our kids instead of watching that relationship deteriorate over time. In today’s episode of the podcast, we’re going to share another clip from that day where Paul and I were doing a filming for Relationship Development Parenting Program. And in this one… look, this might ruffle some feathers, and this might not be popular with everyone, because we’re really going there this week.

Stacey:             01:12 We’re going to talk about the misery of parenting. It’s something that not a lot of people want to talk about, or admit, but the truth is, a lot of parents, if not all parents, are at times having moments that are just really miserable, and struggling in their parenting. And if we don’t talk about it, we can’t solve it. So we’re here to tell the truth today and be transparent. Today we’re going to talk a little bit about the misery of parenting, the realness of it, and how you can solve that on today’s podcast. So, let’s queue up the intro and dive in.

Intro:              01:50 So the big question is this, how is it possible that one person alone can transform any relationship, save their marriage, great their unshakeable love and unleash passion, divorce, proof their family without needing their partner to get on board and do this with them and yet still get to be happily, authentically you without compromise. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answer. We are Paul and Stacey Martino and welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast. We are Paul and Stacey Martino and welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast.

Stacey:             02:18 Here’s the thing. Don’t be ashamed that sometimes you hate being a parent. That’s fine. You’re breathing and sometimes you hate being a parent. There’s lots of facts about being human. What I want to offer clarity around, because where that shame comes from is a complete misunderstanding of what’s happening. You do not hate your kids. You sometimes hate parenting. There’s a big difference. And why? Because you were demand parenting and it sucks. Sucks for you. It sucks for them. It sucks for everybody. It sucks for me. Just sucks. I really want you to get this today. Like now more than ever, listen to me. You don’t hate having kids. You hate demand parenting. It’s kind of like how people give up on relationship because they hated being the power player didn’t work. Being the non-power player didn’t work. So you’re like, “You know what? Fuck both sides of this. I’m just going to focus on my work and my kids. I don’t even want to be in a relationship.” It wasn’t the relationship that was the problem, it was demand relationship that was the problem. Now, you know that, and I’m here to tell you, it’s not your kids that are the problem, and it’s not you that’s the problem.

Stacey:             03:56 You don’t hate having kids. You hate demand parenting and the results of that crap. So think clearly, right? Napoleon Hill teaches us, I teach this and masters how to think clearly, how to be a critical thinker. And part of that is never accepting the invisible assumptions that we operate from and one of them that causes shame and guilt and every single parent in here has felt shame or guilt at one moment. And that was because of a false connection that you made. If you hate parenting, then you hate your kid or you’re a bad person and that is bullshit. You do not hate your kids. You hate demand parenting. You hate running to the end of your skillset and you hate the effects of demand parenting. But you don’t hate your kids and you don’t hate having kids either. And I tell you this because I want you to be free because the guilt and the shame really holds us back and it causes us to take actions that are no good, no good action ever came out of guilt or shame, right?

Stacey:             05:15 For those of you who know the EGS, you’re on the right side, the negative emotion side of the EGS and you take action. The boomerang back is going to keep you firmly planted on that same right side of the emotional guidance scale. You’re not a bad person. There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s for fuck shore. Nothing wrong with your children. It’s just that no one ever gave us the tools. No one’s sat us down with the map before they came out pack, before we took off the condom. Nobody said, Hey, before you make that call, let me teach you this parenting thing. Then decide you really want to take it off, take it off. Otherwise maybe we can run with that decision, but the truth is we were just never taught. I’m totally for kids. That’s fine, but we were never taught and we never actually worked any of this out before we made the decision to bring them here, right?  

Stacey:             06:17 Just like we never worked out any of our alignment before we made the decision to buy the house or before we made the decision to buy the ring or before we made the decision to say yes, we never said, okay, but before we buy that house, let’s talk about that dishwasher. How does that work? Who’s doing that? And let’s document that in a 22 page SOP with images so that we’re all sure how that’s going to work now by the house. We don’t actually align on these things before they happen. We’re like, do you want a baby? I totally want to just take her on him. All those out made me want one. Let’s see what happens. Right? Or we don’t. And we’re like, Oh, guess what we’re having ready and we don’t actually get the tools. We don’t get the strategies. We don’t get the handbook and we know that. And yet we still beat ourselves up so bad. We are so fucking hard on ourselves. For what we’re not doing for those kids. Why? There’s absolutely no reason for it. I don’t sit around all day and beat myself up that I don’t think in French.

Stacey:             07:29 It does not enter my mind when I’m walking through target, but I’m not thinking in French. It doesn’t enter my mind when I order coffee that I don’t speak French when I honor it and I use English, I never learned French, and guess what? I don’t beat myself up about it. It’s totally fine. And guess what? You never learned relationship development parenting before. So what the fuck are you doing? Beating yourself up for it. Now I know some of you in here would probably speak French and think French, but the rest of you, that metaphor works.

Stacey:             08:08 You need to use it and yet it’s just target for me. It’s okay. Anytime you find yourself, even today, especially today, slipping into Holy fuck, I have ruined them for life. There’s four kids they should run now. You’re awesome. No one ever taught relationship development parenting before. And guess what? Kids are very bouncy. They, they, they’re resilient, they’re fine. And POS. Your kids are better off than you were when you were their age. Amen. As a fact. It’s a fact because you’re in this room, it’s fact because you’re watching this, not even a doubt in my mind that is a scientific fact, no question about it. So don’t bring any negativity or shame to your actions around here. So we’re doing it now. Luckily for us today, you can learn French if you want to and you also can learn parenting if you want to. We’re here to teach it. We’re going to lay the whole thing out step-by-step. It’s a proven methodology. It works. You can learn it. It’s just a skillset and it can be learned. And there is a toolbox chock full of a tool for any parenting moment. And over the course of this work, we’re going to roll all those tools out to you so that you’re prepared to navigate it. Okay, awesome.

Stacey:             10:06 Okay, so how can we take some action steps now to start getting results? Now the first thing is look back at some of those may be miserable parenting moments and really look with clear eyes. Was demand parenting part of that kerfuffle at that time. Like looking back now, knowing what you know now, can you see in that situation that possibly the miserableness of that was that you were stuck in demand parenting and the boomerang of that sucked. It’s good to look back with clear eyes and see that some of our miserable parenting moments were actually nothing more than the boomerang effect of us being stuck in demand parenting and we didn’t even know it. So look back and see things differently. And the second step is take action. Start taking action to at least learn how to stop doing demand relationship, to learn how to reduce kerfuffles with your children, to learn how to see your children for how they’re individually wired.

Stacey:             11:12 Get more tools and strategies about that. You can join our 14 Day Boost for your relationship program at https://14dayboost.com we teach our relationship development, parenting tools and the strategies inside our relationship you program. So yes, we’re building the large relationship development parenting program with the whole set of tools and strategies to come out later this year. But while we’ve been doing that relationship, you students get all of it in their relationship. You program, I’m included as we build that. And so it’s, this really speaks to you if this is really a pain point for you, if this is really important to you, if your family’s legacy is something you really focus on, then maybe about putting in your application to get into relationship. You not only get unbelievable tools and strategies to transform all your relationships, but also get the tools and strategies for relationship development, parenting that you really, really want. As that serves you, we’d be, we’d love to be able to serve you and your family in any way that we can. And maybe that’s relationship you for you. I don’t know. But whatever’s best for you, we’re here to serve you until we see you on the next podcast. Remember, together we are changing the way relationship is done.

Outro:              12:29 Hey, would you like to get big results in your relationships in just 10 seconds a day? If so, then subscribe to our daily inspiration for relationship transformers or the D.I.R.T at www.MartinoPodcast.com/DIRT

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