43: Give Him The Answers To The Test

43: Give Him The Answers To The Test

What’s The Episode About:

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about the invisible expectations that women have of their partners and the harm they cause their relationships. They will start off by sharing a story from a long time ago of how Stacey ruined their Valentine’s Day. Paul had told Stacey that he would take her out to dinner for Valentine’s when he got back from work, and she was so excited about it. She got a nice new outfit and was expecting Paul to send her a large bouquet of flowers to her office. So every time a truck drove down the street, she would think it was her delivery. As time went by and she hadn’t gotten any deliveries, she started thinking that maybe Paul was planning to bring the flowers himself, but when he finally got there, all he had for her was a single red rose.

Stacey didn’t express any disappointment to his face, but deep down she couldn’t believe that Paul had just given her a single red rose for Valentine’s. She then started thinking to herself that maybe Paul would make up for that by taking her to some really magical place for dinner, but to her shock, Paul took her to a restaurant they were both familiar with, and he had not made any reservations. It was Valentine’s so the place was packed, and thus they didn’t get a table. They went to two more places and still couldn’t get a table, so they just got take out (Chinese food) and went home.

At that point, Stacey was so grumbly and unhappy with the way the night had turned out, and at some point, Paul asked her why she was so upset when all he was doing all night was trying to make things nice for her. To him, everything was alright and he was just doing his best to show Stacey that he loved her, and give her a great Valentine’s experience. This story highlights the root cause of the problems brought about by women’s invisible expectations, and it all boils down to the differences in the feminine and the masculine. Stay tuned as Paul and Stacey dive deeper into that and share the best action steps to take to ensure that the problems caused by invisible expectations will be a thing of the past in your relationship.

Key Points Discussed:

  • The time when Stacey used to ruin all the holidays (01:13)
  • Masculine energy is usually a single focus so men don’t really plan ahead far enough (07:46)
  • The harm carrying invisible expectations causes relationships (14:03)
  • Ladies should give their men the answers to the test (17:03)
  • He wants nothing more than to light her up (21:22)
  • Taking personal responsibility and committing to not getting triggered (26:22)

Where Can I Learn More:

  • Get access to the Relationship Breakthrough Retreat – here
  • Join the 14-Day Boost – here
  • Join our Relationship Development Community – here

When Did It Air:

02/27/2020

Episode Transcript:

Paul (00:00):

Hey relationship transformers, welcome to the Relationship Transformers podcast. Valentine’s Day just passed this month, and we saw a whole range of outcomes. From it was the best Valentine’s day ever, to that sucked and I’m done. So, whether it’s Valentine’s day, your birthday, your anniversary, Christmas, 4th of July, just Tuesday, whatever it is for you, disappointments are going to happen. And there is something you can do to prevent them or repair them. That’s what we’re going to talk about on today’s podcast. So let’s queue up the intro and dive in.

Intro (00:38):

So the big question is this, how is it possible that one person alone can transform any relationship, save their marriage, great their unshakable love and unleash passion, divorce, proof their family without needing their partner to get on board and do this with them and yet still get to be happily, authentically you without compromise. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answer. We are Paul and Stacey Martino and welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast. We are Paul and Stacey Martino and welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast.

Stacey (01:13):

Alright. So I’m going to start this out by sharing a story about how I ruined Valentine’s day. So, this is going back quite a bit. Actually, if we go back 10-15 years, I don’t have to look far. There’s pretty much not a holiday, or a day that I didn’t ruin. And, this is just one example. So, I remember this Valentine’s day very, very vividly. It was a long time ago, like I said, and I was working from home at the time. And Valentine’s day, Paul had… was working outside the house, so he had been gone all day. And I remember him telling me, before like… the week before Valentine’s day. Like, I’m taking you out to dinner on Valentine’s day night. Be ready at six o’clock. We’re going out at six. So I like, got a new outfit, and I was all ready. I mean, I just want to set the stage that, all day I was at work wondering like, “When are my flowers getting here?”

Stacey (02:05):

Like, I would see a truck drive down the street, and I’m like, “Maybe that…” Cause my office faced the window, and I’m like, “Oh. Maybe those are my flowers.” Nope, not for me. “Maybe those are my flowers.” Nope, not for me. And I was so disappointed that the whole work day had gone by, and I didn’t receive flower delivery at work, which was in my house, but, in my home office, because to me, that’s romantic. Right? How many movies have I seen where some guy delivered flowers to some girl in an office, and it’s like, “Oh my gosh. That’s so romantic. It’s such a huge gesture.” So already I’m like, “Okay. Well, you know, maybe he’s not delivering them. Maybe he’s bringing them?” Whatever. And I’m trying to like, you know, stay with it, hold myself together, and be excited for this night. And then, I remember him, he came home, and I was like, ready to go to the door and welcome him home.

Stacey (02:57):

And he had his hand behind his back, and I’m like, “Okay. This is good.” Right? “Hand behind the back. That’s a good thing. What is he hiding?” And, he pulls from behind his back a single red rose to hand to me, and he had this big smile, and he’s like, “Happy Valentine’s day, Stacey.” And, I was like doing the big smile on the outside, and saying like, “Aaaaw! Thank you. That’s so nice.” And on the inside I was like, “One flower. One rose. Really? For Valentine’s Day? One rose. And I just remember feeling crushed like, “Oh my God. This is it. This is literally all the flowers I’m going to get on Valentine’s Day. I can’t believe it.” And I’m like, “Nope. Like, it could be an amazing dinner. Like, we could have… who knows what gift he has for me. He may have, you know, written a poem for me. Like, he could be taking me somewhere magical, like don’t screw this up. This could be an amazing Valentine’s Day. Just keep it together.”

Stacey (03:57):

And like, you know, I’m kind of going through these emotions, but already I’m like, really feeling so let down. But I’m trying to like rally. But I promise you, I am sure that Paul and anyone else in the radius of makeup all, we already perceived that something’s wrong. I’m not exactly happy, but I’m like, that’s all right. We’re going out. I’m like, okay, great. Let’s go. Where are we going? It’s a surprise, like getting in the car. We’re going out and he drives to a restaurant and he’s like, I’m so excited and we get to the restaurant, it’s a restaurant we’ve been to many times and I love this restaurant. I’m like, okay, great. We’re going to have a great dinner.

Stacey (04:32):

We walk in and he says to the hostess, a table for two, it’s two of us, and I literally, my jaw was on the floor the minute he said table for two. And I knew what the hostess was going to say next. And she’s like, do you have a reservation? And he’s like, no, it’s just the two of us tonight. And I was literally like mortified because I, of course, I know what’s coming next. Paul obviously looks like he does not. And she’s like, I’m sorry sir, it’s Valentine’s day. We’re, we’re all full. You know, we were only taking reservations, but we’re all booked up. We can’t see you tonight. And Paul’s like, Oh really? All right, we’ll go somewhere else. And he’s like, okay. So sorry that didn’t work out, but we’ll go to the next place. We went to like two more places, of course, all of whom were booked up.

Speaker 3 (05:21):

And of course I’m seething in the car trying not to say anything, but I’m grumbling like, I cannot believe you didn’t make a reservation for Valentine’s day. Right. And I’m just so soothing. And Paul’s just like, Oh, I don’t renders, it’s Thursday night. I don’t see why we would need a reservation to go to dinner. We never needed a reservation before. And of course under my breath, I’m like, was never moved times day before on Thursday night. And we ended up getting Chinese food and going home and renting a movie. And he’s like, Oh, let’s just get your favorite. We’ll get your favorite Chinese food, we’ll go get takeout, we’ll bring it in, we’ll rent a movie, it’ll be nice and cozy and it’ll be super awesome. And unlike, I bought a new outfit, I, we were going out, I’m like, Oh sure, fine, fine, that’s fine.

Speaker 3 (06:07):

And of course I was grumbly and not happy and we went home and we watched a movie and pretty much I ruined the night because at some point Paul’s like, why are you so upset? Like what’s the problem trying to make this nice for you. But honestly I was so broken and just bummed out at what I thought was like the worst Valentine’s day. And the truth is I was the one who was ruining it. But in the moment I couldn’t see that. Babe, would you like to tell your story of the exact same Valentine’s day from your perspective?

Paul (06:42):

First I just want to say, ladies, I’m taking,

Stacey (06:46):

and he is the most amazing man on the planet. It trust me, it was me. You’ll see in a minute.

Paul (06:52):

So by now a lot of people are thinking, ah, especially the feminine energy out there. It’s gonna be like, Oh, he ruined it. She shouldn’t be saying anything. Like she ruined it. It was all him. That was terrible. And I get it. And keep in mind, this was a long time ago. However, it really conveys so many things. So from Stacey’s perspective, there were so many things that were wrong with that. So many expectations that went unfulfilled. So many meanings that were being created by my actions that were being interpreted as he doesn’t care. He doesn’t love me. If he did, he would have done X, Y, and Z. There’s so many special that she’s not special, like there’s so many things about this and yet, and this is going to sound even stranger. I will say that again back then. I’m wiser now, but nonetheless, in that moment in time, I still knew from my heart and I know the men out there gonna understand where I’m coming from that I was trying to deliver for her.

Paul (07:46):

I was actually doing all of this for her and quite frankly, most of us may know that, you know, when it comes to Valentine’s day, it has nothing to do with us. We’re not, this is not us. Like we’re not doing this for ourselves. We’re totally doing it for them and yet we can mess it up in such a wildly awful way without even understanding, but most importantly with the best of intentions. So now let’s kind of do the, what does that move from that Mel, from that movie with a, yeah, I think it was Mike Martin. Yeah, Wayne’s world. Like you didn’t make up music. We are old so we’d go back in time. Let’s revisit that moment. So for me, no, I’m looking at it as I was away. I was out and I’m trying to put together some plans, right? So I’m trying to make something happen. And also I will just say masculine energy is usually like a single focus. We’re not thinking weeks out like Valentine’s day is coming. We’re thinking about what’s urgent and relevant right now in filtering out everything else. So we do have a tendency in general to not plan ahead far enough when it comes to things like this because it’s not such a big deal for us internally either. Right. Valentine’s day isn’t something we’re thinking about all here long. Typically.

Stacey (08:55):

The other thing to keep in mind here about the difference between the masculine and feminine is right now if you ask me and it’s February, I know what time Coles opens on Thanksgiving for black Friday sale, like that’s in my database. It’s important details to me as a woman and a mom that I know what time Coles opens when it’s Thanksgiving. I know how far in advance you need reservations for Valentine’s day. I know who is and is not open on Easter Sunday for dinner. Like these are details that I retain because the feminine takes so much in and we store everything. Whereas the masculine is a deleting being and the fact that you would need reservations on Valentine’s day when it falls on a Thursday is totally off of Paul’s radar and completely irrelevant information. Well it was back then anyway. No longer. Yes. So anyway, so here I am.

Paul (09:45):

I’m trying to coordinate something. I’m like, let’s go to her favorite restaurant. She actually loved that restaurant. She loved the food there again for her and I’m thinking to myself from my model of the world, you know, delivering flowers to someone that like through a messenger, very impersonal, you can do that to anybody. Anybody could do that for anybody across the world. I’m like that’s very impersonal. And then you know, just throwing a bunch of flowers at it. To me, first of all, let’s be honest, most men look at flowers. It’s like why would we do that? They’re going to be dead in a few days. Like why would you spend so much money on flowers and calling us all out here? But I’m being honest and truthful. That’s the perspective, right? So there’s not a lot of awareness that flowers mean so much more and it’s not just the flowers and it’s a nice gesture, which is how I was perceiving it back then is you know, bringing flowers is a nice gesture, but you know what? I want to do something more. I’m not going to just like throw flowers at it. Like I’m going to show up like you are the one for me. This one Rose means I am here for you. Like it had a different meaning for me. So I’m actually doing my best to convey like you are special, you are the one and I’m going to handle over this one flower cause you’re the only one for me. And thinking this, it has this special meaning, right? That’s gotta be received really well

Stacey (10:53):

to see the gap in the blueprints here, right? I have this blueprint that sending flowers through a woman when she’s at work just tells the world like you’re important to me. And this is how I show how big my love is with all these flowers. And of course I’m like a type one woman and I like everything big, big, big and Paul actually has meaning behind. I’m not going to send somebody else to do my job. That’s me. I’m going to hand the liver. This single Rose. You are the one hand delivered by me. Like look, we both had the best of intentions, but you see the gap in the blueprint here.

Paul (11:30):

Yup.

Stacey (11:31):

Please keep going.

Paul (11:31):

So for me, if someone were to like just send dozens and dozens of roses of fuels VR in my perspective, that felt very disingenuous. It’s like, let me just bury you with roses. Almost like a cliche. So the total opposite of what she felt from my action with one flower was what I was really trying to deliver. Amen. And yet it was lost. Right? So I’m showing up. Best of intentions thinking is going to be great and disappointment was encountered and then, you know, we’re not even done yet. Right. So, you know, that was, I will just say there’s no defending not having the reservations. It was just being clueless, not realizing that this restaurant that we never have any issues getting into on Valentine’s day becomes the most magical place on earth and no one can stay away from. Right.

Paul (12:13):

It was a good restaurant. But you know, it truly was just a lack of foresight on my part and I have to own it. There’s no justifying that it wasn’t from a place of good intention. It was from a place of just being clueless. So not having a reservation wasn’t cool. But you know, here’s the other thing too is so I get there, I recognize that didn’t go well. I’m like, wow, that that’s not what I wanted for her. Right. But again, best of intentions, I’m like, I’m not going to react to this. Even though I was disappointed, I’m like, Oh and I had failed. And as guys we know that like we know that feeling of ah, I screwed this up now we don’t like that. I’m not going to do that cause I’m not going to ruin the night for her. So I’m like, all right, cool.

Paul (12:46):

Hey, let’s go find another place. I’m trying to salvage the night, right? Best of intentions. Even though inside I’m disappointed now like, ah, I screwed that up and I could tell like I could see, you know, things weren’t landing the way I wanted and this was another huge hit and I’m like, ah, it’s not good. And my goal is like, again, I’m not going to wallow into some, like I’m going to find a way to pick this back up and I’m going to keep working at this. Again, still best of intentions, trying to have the right outcome here and all along. What I want you to realize too is my belief, my blueprint around this was, you know, if we’re together and we can have a good time and we can have a special night, we’re basically together cause we often were not together back then.

Paul (13:21):

I was out for work a lot. So to me, quality time, special time being together, whether whether it’s a meal with candles or just hanging out cozy at home, like being together was number one most important thing and her knowing that I love her. So I’m actually trying to make all this happen as part of this day. And just by rolling with it, I’m trying to keep myself above the 50% line for her and yet it’s all going awfully awry. And yet where are my intentions during all of this? Right? What was Stacey’s intention? She of course wanted to have a great night too and she wanted to feel all this magic happening and I wasn’t delivering that, but it wasn’t for a lack of good intention. And I think that’s the first thing that everyone needs to realize.

Stacey (14:03):

So here’s of course the truth, and I know you see it by now because we’ve been able to paint both sides of the picture, but I was carrying a tremendous amount of invisible expectations into Valentine’s day. And here’s what I want to talk to you about. We’ve literally been trained, conditioned to do this because we have this blueprint of what romance is. For some people, romance is five dozen roses. For some people romances a single red Rose. For some people romances a night that we’re together. For some people, romance is a big diamond necklace. Like everybody has their own blueprint of what romances for them or what the holiday is for them. What’s special is for them. And we’re not here to judge what everybody’s definition is and who’s right and who’s wrong. There’s nobody wrong, but the truth is, especially as feminine, we’ve been conditioned and trained to have invisible expectations, to not tell him what we want to not assert ourselves and say, this is what would make me happy.

Stacey (15:15):

In fact that would be seen as being very bossy or bitchy or all the other things that we’ve been trained not to do. We’ve seen a million movies, right, where the girl just waits for the guy to make a grand gesture and it’s been conditioned into us, right? To be that princess, wait for the Prince charming and the whole thing is just a load of crap. And then we had no choice. But actually decades ago, women did not have a choice. Women were not really permitted to assert themselves to state their preferences, to say what they wanted, how they want it. Women didn’t have that choice. So we hinted at things, we learned to use implied communication and say things like, Oh, I love lilacs. And he’s thinking, I love burgers. What are we talking about? Right when she’s trying to hit that she would like lie lax for the next holiday and it’s totally off of his radar.

Stacey (16:09):

We have learned to use that form of communication because quite frankly, you know, a hundred years ago or less, we weren’t even allowed to really say anything and assert ourselves, you know? But that time has passed. We’re still doing it though. We still hear things like, Oh, if I tell him, then it doesn’t count. That is such crazy bologna and if you don’t see the relationship destruction that lives in the wake of that crap, just open your eyes, right? All of this crap that we’re still doing that never worked in the forties 50s and 60s it’s still not working today. I told my husband 20 years ago or 15 years ago that I love having brightly colored roses from him and every single week of my life. Since then, I’ve had a dozen brightly colored roses on my desk every week and I’ll tell you, it doesn’t suck just cause I told him once a long time ago.

Stacey (17:03):

We carry these invisible expectations into a moment and I just want to say that when you carry invisible expectations into a moment, they have just become unreasonable expectations because it’s not fair to expect your partner to figure that out. There is, you know what, seven 8 billion people on the planet. We’re all wired differently so no one’s going to guess your blueprint and also add in that we are complete polar opposites. The masculine and the feminine are wired completely differently and it is absolutely unreasonable to have that expectation. Now I’ve seen plenty of people will be like, Oh, it’s not that unreasonable to expect him to try. Like you’re not really expecting him to try. You’re expecting him to try the way you want it and unreasonable to hold that over his head when you never gave him the answers to the test. The solution is ladies give the man the answers to the test, speak compassionately and speak directly so outside the moment, not fricking on Valentine’s day, but outside the moment.

Stacey (18:11):

I will say DePaul, to me, romance is as many roses as I can positively get. To me, romance is a card where you express why I’m special and why you choose me every day they’re like, to me, this is my blueprint for everything. Everything from how I like my coffee to the dressing that I like in my salad to how I like vacations, plan to what Valentine’s day looks like to me. What’s important to me on my birthday. I say those words to Paul. I convey my blueprint to him because a, I will no longer support invisible expectations and implied communication because it’s hurting all of us. But B, I also understand how my husband is wired and I understand that my husband is a masculine man and he needs to win. He needs to win with me. He needs to know that he has a purpose, which is to win and to make me happy and light me up.

Stacey (19:08):

And so it’s my moral obligation to hand him the answers to the test so that he can have that experience and live like the man that he gets to be now. And it’s amazing for both of us. So from the feminine, that’s the dynamic that I see. That’s my personal responsibility. That’s the solution that I bring. And I know you want to share from the masculine as well, babe.

Paul (19:31):

Yeah. So on the masculine side, first of all, there has to be an awareness. If you haven’t seen it already, he’s not going to guess what’s going on in your mind as autonomous creatures that we are, we’re not trying to mind read, we’re deleting beings by nature so we’re not automatically keeping track of what it is that you want. We didn’t notice that subtle little thing that you mentioned along the way. Like Stacy used that example of I like flowers as she’s walking through, let’s just say home Depot and I’m like, yeah, I like burgers. We’re in home Depot. Well what are we talking about here? You know, like we don’t pick up on those things.

Paul (20:04):

So if you want to stay stuck in a model that isn’t serving, you know that’s a choice. So on the feminine side, like seriously, you’re not in any way defeating the value of what he’s trying to do. You’re actually setting them up for failure because if the expectation is for him to be the mind reader, you will be disappointed.

Stacey (20:21):

And it’s also not because he doesn’t love you, which is what we’ve all been taught. It’s because he’s not wired for that. By the way, the feminine has been literally trained to be that mind reader to pick up on everything. If my girlfriend said to me, Oh my gosh, I love lilacs, trust me, I know what I’m sending to her on the next mother’s day or a birthday, she’s getting lilacs because I have been trained as a in the past, right? Women were not assertive beings allowed to be. I had to look for hints, I had to communicate, enhance, and I learned to pick up on other women leaving hints as well when I’m an accumulating being cause I’m wired, my brain is wired as feminine and so I do all those things and we expect our men to be able to do those things too, which is why we criticize them for not picking up on it or cut them down for it. They’re literally not wired for that and you don’t want him to be either because you want your man to be the masculine and bring the masculine that he authentically is. So it really is an unreasonable expectation.

Paul (21:22):

If you look back at our history on the masculine side, we always spoke what we thought on the spot directly. Not candy coating anything, not dancing around anything. There was no implied anything. It’s like I’m going to tell you exactly what I think. So he’s not used to that kind of interaction. That’s not been part of our mode Allity for a long, long time. So you’re setting yourself up for failure by expecting things to be different on the other side. So that’s one. Now that being said no, this, he wants nothing more than to light you up. Any kind of a disappointment. Just like what happened on our Valentine’s day night. He does care. He is kicking himself or beating them up himself up to some degree for it not going well because we like to let you up. We like to score, but it feels like when we have to do the guessing that there’s no chance of winning cause how likely am I to hit when I came here with the best of intentions already and it fell so far short of what was needed.

Paul (22:17):

Right? So it’s just really getting out of this old mindset that he should have known, or you know, and guys, now let me flip it around here too. So you’re aware that there are expectations. You’re aware that they’re dropping hints, whether or not you’ve seen them or not now start looking for them. But that is the modality that you can expect to see often, right? Not everybody, but in general, we’re talking about generalities between masculine feminists. Not gonna apply to everybody all the time, but that’s why for the majority, right? So keep that in mind that he’s trying anyway. He’d love nothing more than to score into light you up. So he’ll do more of it. By the way, when he does. So set him up for success. And then guys, again, I will just say that one of my techniques is whether I’ll use coffee, Stacey who stole a favor, coffee, and I would get that favorite coffee.

Stacey (23:03):

And I knew now about myself that I need to pick up on these things if she mentions it. So if she said I like, I’ll just say black coffee mixed with 25% vanilla hazelnut something or other syrup, right. I would write that down and the store that she got it from so I can get it just right and a little bit of ice, you know, just making it the perfect way she would make it if she was making it herself. Now I know myself and I think most guys would probably agree like I’m not gonna remember that next week. I’m not gonna remember that tomorrow. Quite possibly. So I’m going to write that down. So I would write it down in my, in this case on my phone, I would use an app and I would write down that note and I would put it down under what I would call Stacy’s favorites.

Paul (23:40):

And anytime I ran across something, whether it was she mentioned her favorite flowers or anything else, my was always with me. I’d write it down because I know better. I know the kind of creature that I am and I know that when it comes time I’ll be like, I know it was a flower. I have no clue which of the 10 billion flowers it was. So if you could recall a single flower, right? So you know, again, know yourself and prepare accordingly because obviously none of us meant to disappoint, but we also know ourselves. So we need to prepare for these things, not because you know, they should be more like us, but because we can be better because we can really serve her the way we want to. It just doesn’t come in the form or package that we would have expected because in general they’re different. So know your partner, watch what it is for them. And I am, we’re just using our own examples here. We’re not saying these examples apply to every woman you know, femininity. You have to see what’s unique for your partner. What are the flowers that she likes, what are, what are the Rose

Stacey (24:38):

great, great item to bring up by the way. Like she might hate flowers. Yeah, good. That would be great to know, right? If you’re like, Hey, I’m going to send five dozen roses, but she hates flowers in the house. Like that is important to know. Exactly. Paul and I are using our personal story just as an example, but this is really to just demonstrate that even two people who love each other with the best of intentions can ruin Valentine’s day or a birthday, an anniversary or just Tuesday because we don’t understand how the other person is wired and it’s never about being who the other person needs you to be or changing yourself to be more like them. It is about rising up and upleveling your skillset to serve them in a way they need to be served based on how they’re wired instead of just being like, I don’t understand cause I’m not like that, so I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to tell you.

Paul (25:33):

Then one last tip that I want to give here is you heard me mention it here. This is really important so you know if you found yourself being the one, whether it was on the feminist side or masculine side, who seemed like we were creating our kerfuffle despite the best of intentions on a holiday, whether it’s a birthday, Valentine’s day, whatever. Here’s something really important to keep in mind. If we do allow the disappointment of invisible expectations to create a negative experience for ourselves and we start feeling like we’re triggered, the first thing you need to do is take personal responsibility of saying, actually, was this an expectation that I ever communicated or not explicitly communicated? The second thing you have to realize to yourself is, look, if I get triggered, it’s automatically going to ruin. Not only this night, but it’s going to be the opposite of what we intended here.

Paul (26:22):

Neither one of us wants that, so especially for the masculine out there, if you find that you’re falling short because you didn’t understand what was really needed here from her perspective in order to make this a fantastic night for her, again, take personal responsibility. I know you’re good at that and then from that place of personal responsibility, commit to yourself like, look, no matter where I wrong, one thing I will not allow here is for me to get triggered and as long as you don’t, you stay in a resourceful state where you can actually find a way to recover this and find a way to really light her up. In a way that’s gonna make a difference for her in that night. But if either side gets triggered, you’re pretty much setting the destiny of that to be a failure across the board for both sides, without anything really being learned.

Stacey (27:04):

Amen. So good. Awesome. All right, babe. How about some action steps? What can they start doing now to get results?

Paul (27:10):

Okay, so first thing you want to do is assess. Figure out what invisible expectations you are bringing into this situation. Whatever that situation is for you. Number two, feminine energy out there. Ladies, tell him, give him the answers to the test and figuring out how to be happy even if it’s not delivered upon. Number three, skills. Uplevel your skillset using compassionate and direct communication. We do a lot of this on day two of relationship breakthrough retreat, so be sure to get your tickets and don’t miss out on that opportunity because that’s a real fast shortcut.

Stacey (27:46):

Amen. By the way, the day that this podcast gets published is actually during a big launch for relationship breakthrough retreat, live event tickets. Not only can you get your relationship breakthrough retreat event tickets at 50% off right now, but we’re giving away a huge stack of bonuses when you book your ticket, including our very highly desired relationship development parenting preview program. I know a lot of you have been asking when is relationship development parenting program coming out and we are building it. It is massive, but in advance of that we have a preview class program for relationship development parenting that so many people have been asking about. We launched it in the fall just for a few days and then pulled it off the shelf back into the vault. But right now when you book your RBR event tickets, not only is it 50% off, not only are you getting a huge stack of bonuses with it, but the relationship development parenting preview program is one of them.

Stacey (28:45):

So you can get it for free when you book your event. Again, so don’t miss this launch cause when it closes its closes and the bonus programs are gone. So go to RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com get your tickets. All the bonus program details are on that page and the event tickets. So don’t miss out on that. By the way, if you love this podcast, make sure to share it. Tag me in social media and a hashtag relationship transformers podcast, and until next time, remember together we are changing the way relationship is done.

Outro (29:19):

Are you ready to catapult your relationship to the next level? Would you love to do that in just three days? Well, Relationship Breakthrough Retreat tickets are open. This is our live three day event. We only do this event once a year. It’s a three day live immersion experience with me and Paul, where you get to have your relationship breakthrough within those three days. This is not a couple’s event. Your partner does not need to come to this event. There’s no couples work going on. It’s a fun, high energy, life changing, impactful immersion experience, where your relationships will catapult forward within those three days. It is not to be missed. Check out RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com for information and tickets.

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