What’s The Episode About:

In this episode, Stacey will share a recording that she made to talk about pivoting instead of canceling their Breakthrough in Paradise live event in Jamaica. She will talk about the decision that they made to pivot the event, what they will be doing instead, and how they made that decision in confidence and not fear. The live event was planned for next week, and Paul, Stacey, and 120 of their relationship students were going to Jamaica.

They were all so desperate to get to that event and have an amazing time together on the islands, but it was not to be because with the whole Coronavirus pandemic going on, international travel was not so safe, and they wanted to ensure that their students were safe and protected.

Despite that hiccup, they did not cancel the event and instead decided to pivot it and do it virtually. Stay tuned as she also shares how her and their team are working tirelessly to make the virtual event a reality, and hopefully, this episode will teach you how to make decisions in uncertain times in every aspect of your life. Enjoy!

Key Points Discussed: 

• Pivoting the five days unbelievable Breakthrough in Paradise live event (01:30)
• Decisions based on fear are always bad decisions (03:02)
• From live event to virtual event to keep the ball rolling (06:02)
• The need for all of us to give and support each other during this time (08:12)
• Teaching people how to reverse the kerfuffles in their households and increase harmony during this time of increased stress (10:59)
• Looking at the facts and what’s going on, and making decisions based on that (14:33)
• Being cautious, careful and smart, and avoiding crowded places (16:45)
• The foundation of demand relationship that pulls people apart (18:50)
• Don’t do decisions based out of fear unless you want the boomerang (23:20)

Where Can I Learn More:

• Get access to the Relationship Breakthrough Retreat – here
• Join the 14-Day Boost – here
• Join our Relationship Development Community – here

When Did It Air:

03/26/2020

Episode Transcript:

Stacey  0:00  

Hey relationship transformers. Welcome to the Relationship Transformers podcast. On today’s episode, I’m going to share a recording with you, of a video that I just did last week, because today, we are supposed to be in Jamaica. Today we are supposed to be on the beach, in the sunshine delivering our Breakthrough in Paradise event, and we’re not. And I want to talk to you about the decision that we made to pivot that event, what we’re doing instead, how we made that decision not in fear, but in confidence, so that you can take lessons from that, to know how to make decisions in uncertain times, not based in fear, based on confidence, even decisions within your own home, so that you can benefit from that. So, let’s cue up the intro and dive in. 

Intro  0:56  

So the big question is this, how is it possible that one person alone can transform any relationship, save their marriage, great their unshakable love and unleash passion, divorce, prove their family without needing their partner to get on board and do this with them and yet still get to be happily, authentically you without compromise. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answer. We are Paul and Stacey Martino and welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast. 

Stacey  1:30  

Our Breakthrough in Paradise live event is planned for next week, and we were headed to Jamaica for that event. It’s a five day unbelievable Island experience. Hey, Brandy. Glad to see you today. And, trust me, there were 120 RelationshipU students coming, and we were just desperate to get to that event, to have that amazing time together on the islands, like we wanted it so badly. And I know, like many of you, some of us feel like, “I need this now more than ever”, right? “I need to immerse with my seventh power, I need to uplevel my energy, I need to uplevel my skill sets, I need to break through to next level so I can come back to my family, and lead from the place”, right? Because we need this right now. 

And so, we were really trying in every way to be like, “Okay. For this…. like, what do we need to do? How could we be responsible, but also be responsible to the families?” I will just say, I know you probably can’t imagine it until you’re doing live events with us. Hey, Jenny. Thanks for that. But like, students with tears in their eyes are saying, “Please, Stacey. Please don’t cancel this event. My family needs this so much. I need this so much right now. I need a breakthrough to serve them better.” And so, we took it really really seriously. We made the decision last Friday that we could not travel, of course to Jamaica, that international travel is not safe, or wise for our group right now, just because of some things that are going on. We certainly want to make sure that everybody is safe and protected. That is number one. But we made the decision to not cancel the event, but to make a pivot. And so, here’s what I want to talk to you about about what we’re doing, because I hope that you can learn from this. 

First of all, there were people, not my students. But there were people weeks before our event saying, Are you going to cancel or week before Are you going to cancel you’re gonna cancel like I you you can’t possibly be traveling. Okay like Paul and I say this all the time, we do not make decisions based in fear. We teach this all the time decisions based in fear are bad decisions. The Boomerang from fear always keeps you in the negative emotion set. So if you have whatever strategic perspective or spiritual perspective, right, what you put out comes back when you make decisions and fear the boomerang result keeps you fearful or negative or angry or resentful, or any of the positive emotions that are a match for what you just put out. So we never make decisions and fear because we’ve elevated past that we do make strategic, logical and strong decisions, and I encourage you all to do the same thing. Please you can make the same decision from fear bases you can make from logical base. 

But the decision you make in fear base will boomeranging back to you in a bad way. Like you don’t want it just don’t you don’t want that result. And so make decisions that are strategic and strong, but based in fact, so for us that about on Friday, we found out from our event location in Jamaica, what would happen if somebody were to get sick or anybody at the resort that we’re staying at were to get sick mass when we found out what the Jamaican government’s plans are for quarantines, which would be unacceptable. It’s too much of a risk for us and our students, and we made the decision Nope, we’re not going it’s not safe. So we’re gonna do something different. Now. Instead of canceling the event, which would also be you know, when you travel during a time like this, there’s risk but when you cancel an event like this, it’s a guaranteed catastrophe. Because everybody that was going to have that through that was going to elevate that was going to get word for their family. Everybody misses out. Certainly you cancel.

So we were never going to do that. Because that’s not who we are. That’s not how we roll. I can impress upon you enough how much goes into a live event. Our team has been working on this breakthrough in paradise event since March of last year, one year working on this event, Paul and I have been working on this content since February 1. So two and a half months of preparing event content. And it’s an insane amount of work. We made the decision on Friday, within 35 minutes of finding out new information from our sources in Jamaica, we made the decision, we’re not going to have the novel and I don’t know how we’re going to pull it off. But we’re going to create a virtual event experience for them. And that’s exactly what we’ve committed to doing. So we didn’t cancel. We didn’t think about it out of fear. We didn’t think about it out of our own selfishness like, well, I could do this again in two months because it’ll take me two months to figure out how to do a virtual event. We made the decision within 35 minutes. We’re not going to travel to Jamaica. 

And we’re going to pivot and figure out as a team how to do this event virtually. Now to a lot of people that might be like, Oh, great, just turn zoom and deliver the event, the way you’ve delivered the event. I get that if you’ve not been to one of our events that might sound very logical to you. Our events are not an educational experience. If that were the case, I would just give you a book or one of our online tools and send you on your way. We do live events because it’s an immersion experience. It is a breakthrough at the nervous system and blueprint level, especially our breakthrough and paradise event, or thrice event is called you rewired. It’s about rewiring your blueprint, your nervous system. So you no longer feel your trigger, talk yourself out of it, effort through it, try to have good beam, all that crap that we do in the beginning,

but we can’t it’s not sustainable. That’s not history. We need to rewire our blueprint, right remove the trigger shift into a powerful state so that we can show up mastery with effortless enjoyment of all the shifts we want to make in our lives, we do that at breakthrough in paradise. So it’s not something that we can just be like, okay, turn on the cameras and we’ll deliver the same event. We totally cannot. And we will not be. We’re creating a breakthrough paradise experience for our attendees. And what we’ve done is we’ve committed to doing a multi day event for them. So we’re going to do the same days that they already had vacation time for the same days, they already blocked off the same days they already had childcare arranged for we’re committing to deliver this event him in those same days, and we’re giving them tickets to breakthrough in paradise 2021 in person. So we’re going to do both. And to me, I hope that you’re getting first of all that this is a time for everybody to not make decisions based on fear. Please, please, please, please don’t do that. Make sure wrong decisions that are legitimate and based on facts that are good for everybody. And good Oh, forgive, like we’ll figure out how to how to

make it happen later. But oh, forgive because right now is a time that if you want, right what you give comes to you tenfold? Well, it’s time to give, give give more, right, we need to support each other. There’s no way on this earth that Paul and I would let these families down that is out of the question like not gonna happen, never gonna happen. No, when I’m involved and not when Paul’s involved. Hell no, that’s just not how we roll. So we’re doing both. We’re doing a virtual event right now next week, on the same days that we would have done our live event and we’re, we’re pivoting This requires Paul and I to rewrite and restructure 50% of what we would normally do, to be able to give them the this breakthrough that they want to have that they deserve. prepared to do, it also means that our team has to pivot and create an entire virtual experience online, multi day online event. So everything we had printed everything we had for in person, we need to pivot and figure out how to deliver virtually, and how to create engagement and how to help support people and being there, all of the things we have to do. We have to pivot so much of that our team has been heads down, and this is all we’ve been doing for days. And I’m thrilled that we’re doing it and I are stupid are so so so grateful.

And we’re thrilled doing it. The lesson that I would hope you would get is you can make really, really great decisions and not make decisions, big fear. But we’re making what was a really smart decision. We’re not traveling to Jamaica, and we’re not gonna have any of our students traveling out of the country right now either and we’re going to do the really, really hard thing and create a virtual live experience event in just the next few days, we have to prepare to deliver it next week, because that’s what they need right now. No, it’s not the easiest thing for us. No, that’s not the most affordable thing for us either. We’ve already invested by the way you don’t get the money back when you postpone.

You know, we’ve already invested all of our budget for the event. And yet we’re finding ways to open this up and investing heavily in transitioning this into a virtual experience for them now, because it’s what they need now. You can make decisions like that without them being finger based. So here’s what I’ll say. That’s for like our relationship use students and what we’re doing about our live event. Paul and I have made a commitment that like every couple of days, we’re going to go live out here and start training because I already see it happening. Hi, remember this happening many years ago too. 

I already see happening. spouses are spending more time together than they are used to. Parent kids are spending more time together than they used to. And the kerfuffle is happening and the downward spiral is happening. And we feel an obligation to come in each day or every other day, and just start giving you some training on how to reduce kerfuffles when you’re spending so much more time together, and we’ve got a brainstorm. This weekend, we’ve got about 45 topics laid out that we want to cover for you over the next couple of months, to just give you a training about how to reverse the kerfuffles in your household, and how to increase harmony during times of increasing stress. So we’ll start doing that tomorrow. And start sharing it here and in our relationship Transformers Facebook group. If you’re not in our relationship Transformers Facebook group, please join that group because there’s so many amazing conversations in there and amazing strategies that you can apply to your family. And we’re answering questions in there all day long. So if anyone from our team wants to drop the link to join in relationship Transformers Facebook group in the comments, then click on that, that would be great. But we want to serve you in a way that helps you and your family during these times increased stress. So please join us as we keep sharing more information, more tools, more strategies, because this is time when stress goes up. And when stress goes up, it’s a magnifier for your current skill set. Right? as we always say, when you run to the end of your skill set, that’s when coffee will happen. 

So we’re teaching you relationships of skill set, the relationship development methodology, the skill set, we’re teaching you how to expand the end of your skill set so that you’re not losing, losing, you’re losing yourself, the moments of your day when stresses go up. And you know until certainty goes up right now. And people need more certainty as they were. And we’ll talk about that coming up as well. But right now, I just want you to anchor in at least from today’s lesson that you can totally make great decisions without being fearful, you know, in in the demand related mindset, my way or your way, kind of a mindset win lose mindset. It’s either you panic and worry and go into make decisions out of that, or you go into this off, it’s not a big deal. I don’t know why everybody’s overreacting that still, I’m gonna do whatever I want kind of a mindset. And it’s kind of one way or the other. And that really both those lead to a negative spiral right? You actually can have state mastery. State very calm and peaceful and fidence in yourself and your decision making. Look at the facts and make strategic decisions. be completely at peace with your decisions. And that’s where I’d like for us to start today, though I’d love for this focus to be today. So I’m just going to talk about what our family has made the decision to do as an example of this third option, right, the relationship development approach. We did not get swept up in the panic and the worry and the fear and all of that, or overreact or any of the other things and it runs the spectrum. We also did not take the 

This is nothing and I’m not going to do anything about it because this is stupid kind of approach. We took a relationship development type of approach, which is let’s look at the facts and what’s going on. Okay, based on facts today, what’s the best decision for our family? All right, let’s look at this again tomorrow based on the facts again tomorrow. Let’s make the best decision for our family. In the case of canceling our trip to Jamaica and posts and changing the break into virtual. It was a an hour by hour decision right Friday morning, we woke up and realized, look, the advisory is still like don’t do unnecessary travel to us breaking through for yourself in your family is not like traveling to a birthday party or rock concert. It’s necessarily travel from our perspective. And then even Friday at lunchtime, we’re like, nope, we’re still ago until we hear something different. And then we received information from

our, our people in Jamaica, what the process is for quarantine. And then we’re like, okay, information, we need to make a new decision. And we did, from a place of calm and not from a place of like, Oh my god, what do we do about like, No, I’m not going into that. I’m gonna stay peaceful and centered and calm and make a great decision. Even if it’s not the decision that I would want to have happen. I’m going to say this is going to be great. And I’m just like, every Everybody else, Paul, and I were like, oh, man, is a bummer. Like I’m, I’m so disappointed. We’re not going. And let’s do this. Let’s create something, let’s move forward. So it’s not that we don’t have that feeling like this is a bummer. But it’s not a catastrophe. And it’s certainly not the end of the world. And a lot of us are going through these disappoints in the moment. And state mastery is the difference between a disappointment. And let’s move forward to not having state mastery and be like, Oh, this is a disappointment, and this is and this and this and this. And then that’s all we talk about. And then that’s all we focus on, all day, every day. And that’s happening a lot right now. 

So Paul, and I made the decision for our family that like where we live Idaho, like there’s nobody here compared to we used to live on the east coast. There’s just people where there’s nobody here there’s not really anything going on here. So we took our kids out this weekend, we had a great time we went to dinner. Last night, we had a great time, there were very few people out. We’re using precautions. We’re washing our hands. Like there’s not really a reason right now to isolate ourselves where we live. And so that’s the we’re making, we’re being really, really cautious and careful and smart. We’re not going where there’s hundreds of people. There are not many places with hundreds of people here. Already people. So we’re doing things like going for walks and going to parks and things like that. We did make the decision not to send our kids school, because school is like first of all kids with the germ spreading and that’s just my thing anyway, but it’s tons and tons of people in a small space. So we made the decision. Like I’m happy to keep our kids home and have them do their work from here. It already goes to virtual high school so it wasn’t that big of a hit for us. And we made that decision as of today. Last week, but as of today, and that was what was right for us. We didn’t do it out of panic. We did it out of calmness. And we’re totally cool with and I really don’t care if the school district decides to call or not. I don’t need them to make. They’re just my decision for me, Paul, and I made our decision for us. And we did it from a place of like, last week, I’m like, this is not a problem. They can go to school. And then yesterday, Paul and I talked about and we’re like, okay, we’re going to send them to school. It’s just unnecessary. School came unnecessary, going to school, home, being home, to became a smart thing to do, and then going out once in a while. And so that was the decision we may and again, like, I’m good with it. I’m good with this talk about it. Let’s make a new decision. Like you can make those decisions every day based on what’s good for you, like none of us are, have compromised health or at risk for anything. 

So we were happy to go outside and go do things every once in a while. It’s not a problem. And I also we’re happy to have our kids their school work from home, we really don’t care. It’s not a thing for us. So we made a decision based on what Write for us, I will just say that this is a great time to get into your heart get peaceful and confident and make a great decision that’s right for you. I don’t need anyone else on the planet to agree with our decision for what we did for ourselves, for our family, even for our event, like we made what we feel is the right decision. And I’m good with that. There’s a lot of I’m being very, very vocal about my decision. And now I’m inciting debate over whether I’m right or you’re right, or I’m right and you’re wrong. Like all of that is very common. It’s all demand relationship, my way your way who’s right, who’s wrong? I mean, this is the fundamental conformity mindset. Thinking my way versus your way, let’s prove who’s right and who’s wrong. That’s at the foundation of the demand relationship problem that Paul and I are constantly teaching people how to break because it pulls people apart. And relationship development is all about winning. When, okay, that what else under me is awesome for me what’s authentic for you is on for you. Now knowing that how can we create a win win together? That’s what the relationship development methodology is about in all aspects of life. But it certainly applies here. So I don’t post on Facebook say I pull my kids out of school and then watch all the comments of like, yes, do it. No, no, yes, you’re the best. No, you’re the worst. Like, why is this so silliness? It’s so divisive. It doesn’t matter to me what anybody else thinks. I only have two children that I’m a mother. I only married one man. And the four of us talked about it and work good. So please just be really, really centered about I’m good with what I’m doing. And I don’t need other people to be good with what I’m doing. Now, if within your household, you don’t not create the win win. I’m seeing this explode, as I knew it would happen. All the time on many aspects, but when you encounter high stress and high focus, it increases where partners don’t agree. Right? 

They’re panicking and I’m so frustrated with them for they’re panicking and fear top. You’re not panicking enough and I’m so frustrated and upset with you because you’re not taking this seriously. Like we see this across the board that can be extremely destructive. These kinds of things have the potential to take people down to take marriages down to take families down. That’s why Paul and I are going to come here on a regular basis and share tools and strategies on how you see things exactly differently and still create the win win. You do not have to agree to align. And I’m not talking about compromise, lose. I’m talking about aligning, win win. Keep going until it’s a win for me and a win from it is 1,000% possible. Please don’t tell me it’s not. I understand you may not have the skills I had to do it. But this is all I do all day every day, it is always possible to get to the win win. Just most people don’t have the skill set yet to be able to keep going to the win win, especially when we’ve all been programmed for the win lose. Like, look, I get it, we have a difference of perspective. I just haven’t found the way to convince you yet. Why. All right, you can listen to one of our most recent podcasts called, I think, how can I get them to snap? We’re talking about this. And we recorded this before any of this happened. We’re talking about this exact dynamic, which is I see it one way you see it another way who wins who loses? That’s very destructive right now and it puts me into a downward spiral. So Paul, and I will be coming here on a regular basis to share tools and strategies on how you can create alignments even when don’t agree to get to the wind when to not stop until you get to the wind when how to reduce kerfuffles How to, especially with the kids home, more than some of us are used to them being home when you spend more minutes Together, whether it’s spouses, or kids or spouse to kid, when you have kerfuffle, in your relationship, you start spending more minutes together, your kerfuffles rise and they rise an intensity with as the number of minutes that you’re together rise. So yeah, granted when they went to school or you went to work, you get a little bit of a break from them. And you can let demand relationship continue to go on, as you’re just getting by for quick time. And then life happens. And all of a sudden, the number of minutes that you’re spending together goes up. And it doesn’t seem like you’re getting any break from the kerfuffles. That is, when you must get in here and learn the tools and strategy to transform this. You must, because the stakes are high. And you’re going to start seeing this happen, families unraveling and so like that’s what our mission is all about, is to prevent unknown necessary families from unravelling. Not say every marriage needs to be saved. But there’s a heck of a lot of churches that end up in divorce that totally did not need to, as because they ran to the end of their skill set. That’s what we’re here to provide is to help you not run to the end of your skill set to help you transform the relationships in your house with marriage, your parenting, whatever that may be. So Paulina are going to commit to do that. Yes, we are also going to be up very late, reconfiguring this event that we’re working on to be able to deliver it live next week, virtually. And we will continue to do whatever it is that we need to do to support families because we are a mission based organization. So this is what we need to do is to be here to help you. So if we can just anchor in the learning from today is that you don’t don’t decisions based out of fear unless you want the boomerang. It’s not my opinion. It’s a predictable pattern. When you make decisions out of fear, the boomerang back to you is negative and keeps you negative. So keep doing your own internal work until you’re not making a decision based on fear. And you can bomb and be strategic and take serious action. So that you can do the right thing for what’s right for you and your family. And also not need anybody has permission, or approval for what it is you’re doing. I’ll stick with those three things for today. Because I could go on for days. But I’m going to try to space these things. If you love this, and it speaks to you, and if it helped you, please share it so that we can help serve people. We’re going to be coming here to this page, and I’ll be sharing it live every day in our relationship transforms Facebook group, our private Facebook group relationship formers. So just make sure that you’re either looking here on this page, or better yet, in our private group where you can ask questions and me and the leadership team and all of our students are there helping you. We’re happy to do that. And if you have questions that you would love for Paul and I to answer, go ahead and post them over in the relationship Transformers group, and we can use those for additional topics. For our regular Facebook Lives and the things that we’re going to do to help support you, as you navigate this time. And remember, like there’s joy to be found in every time. So be joyful and grateful today. Be safe and be smart. But you can be saved, be smart with joy and gratitude. You have to be focused on fear a crappiness and talk about nothing else and look at nothing else. If you’ve made your decision, you’ve made your decision. Now, be happy, be grateful. You’re good in a good place. Make your decision for peace and calm, and then focus on joy and gratitude and being happy, because those things are not mutually exclusive. We’re being very, very safe and strategic. And I’m totally joyful and grateful for it. And don’t be too until I see you again. sending love buddy. Bye bye. 

Outro  25:51 

Are you ready to catapult your relationship to the next level? Would you love to do that in just three days? Well, Relationship Breakthrough Retreat tickets are open. This is our live three-day event. We only do this event once a year. It’s a three-day live immersion experience with me and Paul, where you get to have your relationship breakthrough within those three days. This is not a couple’s event. Your partner does not need to come to this event. There are no couples work going on. It’s a fun, high energy, life changing, impactful immersion experience, where your relationships will catapult forward within those three days. It is not to be missed. Check out RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com for information and tickets.