03: It Only Takes ONE Person To Transform Any Relationship

03: It Only Takes ONE Person To Transform Any Relationship

 

What’s The Episode About:

In this episode, Paul and Stacy will explain in detail how it’s possible that it only takes one partner to transform any relationship. There have been thousands of people who have single-handedly saved their marriages, transformed their relationships and divorce-proofed their marriages.

Society has for many years been brainwashed to believe that it takes two people to achieve all that, but the truth is that with Paul and Stacy’s relationship development methodology, one person can indeed transform a relationship all on their own, and they will teach us how we can implement that methodology in our marriages and relationships.

Key Points Discussed:

  • The most powerful force in human relationships today (02:49)
  • Waiting for the other person to change is setting yourself up for failure (04:37)
  • Men process completely differently than women (08:49)
  • Solving our own triggers (12:16)
  • Disrespect only happens within you (15:58)
  • The empowerment of relationship development (19:56)
  • The fear-based protection (23:42)
  • The relationship transformers community (26:04)

Where Can I Learn More:

Join The Relationship Development Community

Join Us At The Next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat.

When Did It Air:

May 20, 2019

Episode Transcript:

The Transcript Is Auto Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors

 

Paul:               00:02 Hey, relationship transformers. Welcome to The Relationship Transformer Podcast. So today we’re going to answer the big question. How is it possible that it only takes one partner to transform any relationship? How are thousands of people saving their marriages, transforming the relationships and divorce-proofing their families, and only one spouse is doing the work? How is that even possible? Today, we’re going to give you that answer. So let’s queue up the intro and dive in.

 

Paul:               00:33 Alright, so I know it sounds impossible. Right? That it only takes one partner to transform any relationship. Here’s the truth. The truth is we’ve all been brainwashed to believe that it does take two. It’s actually the opposite. It’s not that this is wrong, it’s that we’ve all been brainwashed to think the opposite. So, we’ve all heard of things like, you know, “It takes two to tango. You both got to want it.” Right?

 

Paul:               00:55 How many times have you heard of that? “If they don’t want to change, there’s nothing you can do.” You know, “You both have to do the work. You have to meet me halfway on this. Relationship is a compromise.” How many times do we hear that. Right? Relationship is a partnership, and you got to have 50/50. You don’t want to give more than your share, or you are going to feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Right? It’s not fair. These are all the things that we think are normal. Thinking that it takes two is total crap. Just remember the last podcast where Stacy talked about the dilemma of the two roads. Right? These two choices that we think we have. Which is stay and settle for what we don’t like. Again, compromise, or tear apart our family, and just uproot and leave both of those options suck. Right? So, with relationship development, it’s the third option and this is where the answer really is. It’s stay and transform it. That’s not something you hear very often, do you? Right? It only takes one partner to transform the relationship, and today we’re going to show you how.

 

Stacy:              01:55 Alright. So here’s where I want to begin and I… I’m… I’m hoping you’re going to play with me for just a minute. Just play along…

 

Paul:               02:02 I’ll play with you.

 

Stacy:              02:05 And answer this question for yourself. Have you ever had this experience? Right? Where, you’re flying high, you’re in the zone, you’re having a rocking day, everything’s awesome, and either you come home or your partner comes home, and they’re in the toilet. Right? Everything sucks, everything bad is happening to them. Everything is awful. Right? Have you ever had that experience of what happens to your high flying state when you interact with them? Right? It drops like a rock, right? Next thing you know, you’re in the toilet too. Like, it’s not so bad. There’s… there’s gotta be a way that we can learn from this. Right? And they’re back to you. You don’t know what real problems are. You and your rose colored glasses and you’re back to them.

 

Stacy:              02:49 Why do you always look at things so negatively? Why don’t you ever just elevate and think of it differently in their back to you? You don’t even, you wouldn’t even know what a real problem is if you tripped over. You don’t understand me. You never do. And round and round and round, we go. Have you ever had this experience? Sure. You have. And what happened there? First of all, did you notice how quickly those things become personal. Right? They might not be… they might might’ve been in the toilet about their car, about work. It may not have even been about you, but do you see how quickly we make it personal? What happened? Nothing changed in your world and yet you interacted with them and next thing you know you’re in the toilet. What is that? That my friends is a trigger. Triggers are the most powerful force in human relationship today.

 

Stacy:              03:45 Actually you cannot stop the power of triggers, but there is a solution. You can learn how to harness the power of triggers, and get it to work for you instead of against you. Right? You can use triggers to get the response you do want, instead of the reaction that you hate. And it’s a two part strategy, part one, stop unknowingly triggering kerfuffle in others, and part two, start triggering the best in them. And this changes everything… because if you are going through life needing someone or something else to change in order for you to be happy, you’re setting yourself up for failure. I know that’s a…

 

Paul:               04:36 That’s huge. Just listen to that again.

 

Stacy:              04:37 So if you’re going through life needing someone or something else to change, in order for you to get to happy, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Like life doesn’t work like that and it’s always one partner who can make the change.

 

Stacy:              04:55 Now I know you don’t think that you’re triggering kerfuffle and others, I know you don’t think that you’re doing it because you’re unknowingly doing it, but this happens all day long. In fact, we can share a couple of examples. It’s, it’s, um, when you don’t understand that the people in your life are not wired like you when they are completely different from you, this is how you’re unknowingly triggering kerfuffles and others. So I’ll use an example. We were just talking about this not too long ago. A woman came to me and said, okay, like, but there’s something that’s going on with my relationship CAC that I’m not causing. I’m telling you right now, and I cannot fix this because my husband is abusive. He is abusively mean and cruel to me. And the, he just, I cannot change that. He just, he refuses to be nice. He’s just [inaudible] just unfixable. He abusive to me and I’m like, okay, well I get that and I’m sorry that you’re navigating that. Please tell me what’s going on. And she said, okay, see, you see, this is what we get in an argument about something and it goes on and on and like it’s getting really, really heated and then boom, he just shuts off. He’s like, Nope, I’m done. And he walks away and he’s like, I will not talk about this anymore.

 

Stacy:              06:10 She’s like, yeah, how am I going to pick something up? He will not talk about it anymore. It can’t take one person to fix that. If he refuses to talk about it anymore, she goes, but it’s worse than that, Stacy. He’s so mean to me, but he won’t talk to me about this. Not only for the rest of that day, but for like three days, no matter what I do. I’m like, okay, can we talk about the say look, no, no, not now. I’m just, I can’t even, and he won’t. And it’s literally, he’s punishing me. He’s punishing me by shutting me out and nothing can be done. There’s nothing that can be done.

 

Stacy:              06:39 Saw that I’ve tried everything and I see her, you know, um, first of all, I’m sorry that you’re navigating that and I feel you and I get it, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, but if you swap this man out for another man, you’re gonna find that you have the same shit new face. Because what you just described was not abuse and was not cruelty. What you just described was men. Can you explain it, Paul?

 

Paul:               07:04 Yeah. So I’m sure the guys are out there like, oh yeah, I get that. And I’ve been there. I know what that means. I know what that’s like. We understand that instinctively. And just take a look everybody, take a moment and take a look at how incredibly terrible this was for an experience for this woman. Um, all the negative labels she had for her partner, when in reality he was just showing up to be a man and get this. And ladies listen to this. He shut off most likely and disconnected because he didn’t want to scare you or bring that intensity to you. So out of honor, he’s actually shutting it down. And yes, it is a coping skill to it. Don’t get me wrong, there’s also an element of escaping here too, but at the same time he chose to shut it off because he didn’t want to bring the kind of intensity that he was feeling inside to you. It was actually out of protection and your, your labels that he’s abusive and punishing. It’s all your perspective. Yeah. And sadly these are the kinds of things that build up over time because we didn’t even see what the real dynamic was underneath.

 

Stacy:              08:01 So when, uh, and I know Paul can explain it and like when a man gets to a certain threshold, um, he has like what Paul will explain is like a circuit breaker. That’s right. And he just has a trip it off because if it escalates, he knows inside. Like you cannot bring this level of intensity to her. Right. He’s been taught and conditioned his whole life. Don’t bring that level of intensity to a woman. You don’t, uh, don’t scare her, right? Don’t intimidate her. And so he’s sure he’s tripping off his own circuit breaker to protect you and he needs to cool down. Now women can go in and out of emotions very quickly, right? We’re like, oh, we’re down. We’re up or down. It’s solved. Okay, we’re fine. But a man goes deep into his emotional well, and as Paul teaches, his bell needs to ring out before he can come back to a calm center and talk about this again and untrained.

 

Stacy:              08:49 That definitely can take days. And there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s not being abusive to you. Like as we have no references for this, because no woman would behave that way. But men processed completely differently than we do. One is not right and one is not wrong. They’re just polar opposites and completely different as we are, by the way, for everything. And if you don’t know this, you label something as unfixable, right? He’s being abusive. He’s being mean. He’s withholding from me. But what he’s doing is actually just trying to process as a man. So when, how does one person saw that? Well, first of all, when I take responsibility, uh, to instead of demand relationship, hey, I need you to talk to me about this now. Demand relationship. Hey, I need you to solve this with me. Demand relationship. Hey, we need to connect on this.

 

Stacy:              09:38 I can’t, you can’t walk away, right? That’s demand relationship. The relationship development approaches. Okay, let me learn of what’s going on for him and let me create the wind when, right? First of all, if I need to keep talking about this as a woman right now and I am really, really flying high in an angry or upset or crying because it can’t be solved right now, I need to turn the finger and look at myself and say, why am I so uncomfortable that this has to be solved right now? Why can’t I sit with this? Where is my scare city coming from that I think that if we don’t solve this right now, like I can’t handle it. I can’t even function. That’s what she said. She’s like, I can’t even function the rest of the day. Well, why not? That’s your trigger. So the first thing we do is we solve our own trigger. Our triggers are our hours and their hours to solve. First of all, I know big truth bomb right here. Um, your triggers are yours. Your partner was not put here to solve your triggers for you. Your partner was put here to show you your triggers. So you would solve them.

 

Paul:               10:46 Stop another one on him. Cause this is where we’ve all been fooled. This is where the illusion happens, where it takes two. So let’s break this up out party even more. So if you think about it, could your partner take all that negative energy and put it in you from the outside? Could they have somehow poured this negative energy into that? You’re feeling inside from the outside? They can. And what we do is, and we think this is normal, we think this, this is just the way it is. Like, oh they did that to me, right? No they didn’t. It actually happened in a moment, a moment of judgment on your side where you decided that you should be angry about this. It happened in a split second

 

Stacy:              11:26 and it happened inside of you. So the first step is to manage your own trigger so that you’re not trying to get them to fit into a model that you need them to be. And then the second step is not to trigger the worst in them. So what’s the worst thing a woman can do in that moment? If you could see my finger, I’m poking Paul’s arm and booking. I’m booking, I’m booking poke. The bear is the worst thing that you can do. And the last thing he wants to do is talk about not poke the bear. Um, let his bell ring out. Let him shift his emotion. And it may take time, especially if you guys have not done, if neither of you have done any of this training or had these tools, right, you’re out the awareness. Um, you need to let him get to center because let me just tell you, the more you poke the bear, the more you’re gonna get the roar, right?

 

Stacy:              12:16 He’s going to come back to you with stuff you don’t want. So your best chance, your best chance at this getting better is to find a way to get to your own peaceful center, come from abundance mindset and not scarcity and allow him to process in a way that honors him and honors you and then come to him outside the moment and say, Hey, I know we still have some stuff to talk about. When you’re in a place where you feel like you really counted, it can be productive. Just letting me know now that is a win win, that is not okay, so I’m going to be the non power player and I just have to suffer and delays ready to talk about it or the power player like no, you have to talk about this now because I have to. It’s the wind when like how can I handle my own trigger without trying to make everybody else solve my triggers for me?

 

Stacy:              13:04 And how can I appreciate how my partner is wired so that I can frame this out, set this out in a way that honors him for who he is, not needing him to be like me and honors me for who I am too. And of course then we have loads of tools about how you can talk to your partner about the kinds of connection that you need. Um, Paul teaches men how to shorten the time that their bell rings out, how to give on a woman assurances before you’re going to have your bell ring out. Like there’s loads of tools that you can implement, but it starts with understanding that your triggers are yours and that you are unknowingly triggering things in other people. And I know it’s off your radar because you wouldn’t do it if you know. And that’s like the whole point of this podcast is to finally show you, like Paul says all the time, show you, make visible what’s been invisible up until now.

 

Paul:               13:56 And you, you know, this is true to just think about it from both sides and you can even look at this example. Both sides are showing up with the best of intentions, right? None of them. None of us get into a relationship because we want to have arguments and fights and we show up with the best of intentions and moments and we find ourselves caught off guard. Like, why did this go so awfully wrong? Right? Just like for this woman or from the mass perspective, why did this conversation just go so bad where I had to disconnect and, and you know, pull away, um, it’s because it’s off of our radar. It’s not because we have bad intentions for each other and yet the label on the other side is, oh, he’s punishing me. And sometimes that could be the case, right? We know that to be true.

 

Paul:               14:33 But in general, we’re both showing up with the best of intentions is because these dynamics are off of our radar on both sides. And we don’t have the understanding that we ended up with these negative negative labels of the situation. Instead of actually having the awareness and understanding where you can see exactly what happened and evolve beyond the knee jerk reaction triggers that we’ve all been brought up to accept as being normal. And that’s just the way it is. This is the path out. You’re hopefully you’re starting to see through this dynamic of what we’re talking about here because it’s not out of control and you can bring the best of intentions that you have with some elevated mindset and have a whole different outcome in any conversation.

 

Stacy:              15:13 So if I were to ask you like what is your wishlist like if you could give me a list of 12 things that, if I could wave my magic wand, I could get your partner to do differently. What’s your list of 12 now? I’m sure it doesn’t take long, right? Because you’ve got them at the top of your head. You’re like, oh I’ve got my last baby. I’ve been asking, all right, cause this is honestly what we get asked most often is how can I get my partner to fill in the blank? So what’s your fill in the blank? Like what’s your list? So this is where it begins. If you look at that and Tireless, and I’m the, I’m serious like Paul and I don’t sugar coat crap, like we’re always going to be straight with you. And we’re going to tell you what’s really going on and how to really saw that.

 

Stacy:              15:58 And I’m telling you what’s really going on. And now I’m going to tell you how to really solve it. I want you to write that list down. I’m not joking. Write it down. And then look at each one. And for each and every one, ask yourself, what’s my trigger around this? Why do I need this? And how do I solve that? Now, if I can ask them to change at all, how am I going to solve this? Right? So someone says, I, I hate it. My husband is so disrespectful. So early use the opposite. My wife is so disrespectful to me. I just cannot, how could I possibly be with someone who is so disrespectful to me? And I will say, which I know this is going to be like up another one, but disrespect only happens within you. I know. Hang on. Disrespect is not a fact.

 

Stacy:              16:47 Disrespectful is something that happens within you. Someone says something and when it hits your body and goes inside you, you are the one who attaches disrespectful to that and processes accordingly. Nothing outside of you is disrespectful because someone could say the exact same thing to me and I will not apply the disrespectful label. I promise you because I actually don’t have that label anymore. It’s not part of my blueprint because I see it for the facts that it is so disrespectful, happens inside of you. It’s when you require a demand. Respect. From a moment you’ve predetermined what respect looks like and what it means, and then when someone does something differently, you’ve labeled that as disrespectful and you’re putting the blame on them to change what they’re doing with you so that it is respectful. Right? So that is happening inside of you. So if on your list of 12 is well, I want my wife to be more respectful or I want my kid to be more respectful, they talk to me.

 

Stacy:              17:47 You won’t believe the way they talk me is so disrespectful. Then ask yourself, what’s my trigger around this? Why am I labeling that as disrespect? If I don’t receive that, what does that mean to me? Why am I afraid of that? Why is that a problem? What is the hurt around that? What am I afraid of losing? What am I afraid of being blocked from? What am I afraid I won’t get if that happens, figure out the trigger. Here’s what I want to tell you today. My friends do not prioritize protection of your own triggers over the happiness in your life every time. If you make someone else changed to protect your triggers, you are prioritizing the protection of your own fear of your trigger over the relationship with that person. Instead decide that the relationship with that person is the priority over protecting your own fears or triggers that you have with your child, with your spouse, with anyone.

 

Stacy:              18:44 So you can look at that list of 12 and start to take possession of your triggers and handle them one by one. And if you want our help with that, we do that all day, every day in all of our programs and events. We got you, but it starts with you. Those triggers are inside of you. And here’s what I will also say, the stuff that you hate from your partner, from your kids at work, from other people, wherever it is, what you don’t like is not them treating you in a way that you don’t like. It’s them reacting to you in a way that you don’t like. I know you don’t see it now, but when you get this training as a relationship transformer and you put on the relationship transformer goggles, you will. If any time you have an interaction where you’re like, I freaking love that. That’s was crap. I don’t want them to treat me that way. I don’t want them to say that. If I back up the tape 15 seconds, I’m gonna see you poke the bear. I’m going to see you trigger them and then we’re going to see them reacting to you and the part that you don’t like is them reacting to you. Now, let’s not to say that everything in the world is your fault. You’re a bad person and just deal with it.

 

Stacy:              19:56 This is the great as part of this whole thing because of what you don’t like is actually a reaction to you and not an action towards you. Then you can change the input that you’re putting into that equation and get a new reaction. That’s the empowerment I wish we had like cheers. That’s the empowerment side of this. That’s the empowerment of relationship development. Is that right?

 

Stacy:              20:22 When you learn to put a new input in, you get a new result back. That is really the power of this. It’s all about the triggers

 

Paul:               20:31 and if there’s anything else that you need to start to loosen your grip on what used to be, just think of it this way too. Cause if Stacy’s great example didn’t just work for you, think of it this way. How about as you walk through your day, your oversee those, uh, those red buttons. There’s different buttons that people have now that say different things. When you hit them, imagine that you’ve got these red buttons all over you and with different people, they can just walk over to your and press that button and you’re going to feel awful. You’re going to feel angry, you’re going to react, and he’s buttons are all over you. You can choose to go through your day and allow all those buttons to hang out with you and say, I’m gonna keep my buttons because I like them. I like when people ticked me off all the time.

 

Paul:               21:10 I’m going to tell everybody not to push it. I’m going to tell, don’t push that big red button right in front of you. What are they going to do? Right? So really the reality of what we’re doing is if you feel like, oh, I shouldn’t have to, or all these other things that we hear all the time. Yes, yes, you’re right. You may not have to, but you could choose to keep those buttons all over you so that at any moment someone can trigger you off and you get to experience the negativity, we can free yourself from that and actually enjoy life and then actually find yourself a whole lot more refreshed and have a lot more energy to go through your day with everybody because you’re not being triggered into the gutter all the time. Amen. So it’s a choice. Everything we will ever say is a choice. We’re just trying to show you the way out and it’s there and you have the power and that’s what you said and that’s what I loved about it is, you know, that’s great news. You’ve got the power to free yourself. You’re not waiting as we saw for your partner to change, right. That it takes to, that’s what this whole episode was about. It doesn’t take two. It takes one to show up differently and everything can change that.

 

Stacy:              22:11 And so, so many times when we teach people last, like they get it and they’re like, oh crap. It really can be me. Like, I can do this. And then that the um, that moment comes up with, they’re like, yeah, but yeah, I don’t want it to be me. Right? I don’t want to be the wide, like I think of our friend Mike Tile areas, we were teaching this to our friends in the inner circle on this guy. Mike was like, this is so great. So I just texted my wife and I told her, he good news. It only takes one person and that’s you. So I’m signing you up for their program and he’s like, I’m waiting for her text back, but I’m sure she’s going to be psyched about it. And he was joking. Great. But sometimes we don’t want to be the one. Right.

 

Stacy:              22:49 And here’s where I’m going to tell you. First of all, it’s phenomenal to be the one and for anyone who’s masculine, who’s listening, I know this isn’t necessarily your thing cause you live to be the hero. You want your power back. You want to feel like, holy crap, there’s a solution. Finally, just give me the solution. Let me plug it in. Right? And the pain solve it. And that’s what this is. But there are times when you’re like, I don’t want to be the one, I want somebody else to do it. And that is just a non power player modality, right? That’s just old demand relationship of wanting someone else outside of us to fix something for us. And the true empowerment in life and nothing happens until you take your power back, is to be the one to take power for your part. That you can change everything around you and see that as empowering, not a burden, but empowering.

 

Stacy:              23:42 Um, and sometimes people feel like, well, why should I be the one? Right? Why should I do it? Clearly she doesn’t want to do it. So why should I give a crap? He doesn’t want to do it. So why the hell should I care? Right? Why should I be the one? And, and Paul are always going to tell you, look, someone has to go first. It only takes one of you. So if, if you’re not willing to do it and you’re like, well, he should do it, then if you’re not even willing to do it, why would you expect him to do something that you’re not even willing to do? The one here, you’re the one hearing the message. Amen. So this whole, well they should do it is all fear based protection, right? Because we don’t want to be the one who feels like we gave more, right?

 

Stacy:              24:20 It, it stopped being 50 50 and now we’re in an 80 20 and we feel like an idiot and we’re ashamed because we’re giving so much. Here’s where I want to reframe all that old crap that you don’t need to carry with you. You have to live through your life. The quality of your life is your responsibility. And it’s what you create. And this marriage, this relationship that you’re in, you either have to live in it or live through leaving it. It’s you. And if you have kids, it is your personal responsibility to transform this thing. So instead of fear base and worrying about them, just worry about you. Cause every single action that you take, every single step that you take as a relationship transformer, you get to benefit and the amazing results of that instead of the crap that you were living in and, but here’s the key that allows you to do this happily, right?

 

Stacy:              25:12 As opposed to be grudgingly. Maybe just because your partner’s not going to do this work with you doesn’t mean you have to do this work alone. That’s what this Relationship Transformer Podcast is all about. That’s what our community of relationship transformers are, right? Thousands of relationship transformers who are doing this work everyday. They raised their hand and said, yeah, I’ll be the hero for my family. Yeah, give me those tools and strategies, man, I’m going to implement them. Yes, let’s do this. My children deserve this. I deserve this. I’ll be the one and we support each other. We love each other. We catch each other when we stumble and we celebrate our crazy shit together too. We are the relationship transformer community and when you are surrounded with a community who gets the journey you’re on, they get the struggle, right? The pain is real and they’re, they’re celebrating when you’re like,

 

Stacy:              26:04 hey man, this thing is a trigger me all the time and it happened again and I did not lose my shit. And everybody was like, who else is going to only us, right? In our relationship transformer community. You must surround yourself with a relationship transformer, tribe. You don’t need your partner to do this with you. We will do this with you. Remember we have that private Facebook group at MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.com. You can join it. We’re there. We’re there every day, every step of the way. Um, because it is about being willing to be the one to create the transformation you want in your relationship and in your family. Now if you want the tools and you want the strategies and you want to dive in, right, you can start our quick start course, get your ticket to our relationship, breakthrough retreat, live event, all of those things. But you have to surround yourself with the tribe that will be there to champion you earn, inspire. You write story after story of people sharing like how it used to be. And what it is now and this is what worked for me and when you share like I’m stuck man, I don’t know how to not show up from demand relationship here. This feels like a doozy and then like 17 people jump on in there like yeah,

 

Stacy:              27:20 this is what I did at used to be the same thing and here’s what worked and you could try this and you’re doing so great and remember last week just doing what you did there. Like it’s just a game changer. The tribe is the thing that carries you forward as you’re implementing the tools and strategies that you are using,

 

Paul:               27:39 And forming new patterns, quite frankly, like in order to form the new patterns, it, it takes some change, right? It takes some getting used to and and you need some people around you to help to reinforce that mindset that you’re, you’re now adopting. Okay.

 

Stacy:              27:50 Now in the last episode we were talking about the demand relationship versus relationship development chart and I hope you downloaded yours. Hey, if you haven’t listened to that episode, that’s a game changer. You must go back and listen to that episode because it’s critical and here’s where it the, you know the rubber meets the road so to speak about one person changing the relationship. You know when you show up from demand relationship you are breaking down your relationship in that moment. When you’re able to show up from a relationship development in that moment, you are building up through our relationship in that moment. Well it’s the same with triggers. If you’re showing up from demand relationship, I’m telling you right now, you are triggering the worst from your partner. So if you see yourself on that demand relationship side of the chart, if you see yourself ever using compromise or pleasing or punishing or withholding were guilt or shame or nagging or any of the the demand relationship tactics, you’re triggering the worst from your partner in that moment.

 

Stacy:              28:54 It’s just a fact, right? Because that’s the kind of stuff that triggers you to and when you’re able to show up from relationship development, you’re able to bring out the best in your partner. It’s a skillset and it can be learned. Like one of our relationship here is farmers just posted in our group the other day and he was last thanking us for our right hand left hand tool about how to navigate your peeps in your world that don’t understand relationship transforming versus the relationship transformers. And we teach this tool right hand, left hand. It’s a game changer. And he was thanking us for it and saying how like his whole life has changed in the last couple of months because he understands how to show up in any relationship situation and know what his role is, uh, because of this tool. And he’s like, I never would have figured that out on my own.

 

Stacy:              29:40 It was so simple. You taught it in six minutes and it’s changed my life and I wanted to anchor that in for everybody else because, um, you know, sometimes this stuff seems so simple and you’re like, man, why didn’t I know that when I think of that you will never figure out on your own how to stop living from demand relationship and had to live from relationship development. Um, because demand relationship is all that’s being modeled to you everywhere. So until you see it, you can’t know it. You’re not going to accidentally figure out how to speak French if you don’t speak French. You’re not going to accidentally figure out how to break the chains of demand relationship live from relationship development, but once we give you the simple tools, we’ll he give you those strategies and that’s what this podcast is all about. Episode by episode doing that, you can show up for relationship development in those moments and get a totally different results.

 

Paul:               30:33 Yeah, because once you see something, you can finally do something about it, but if you’re in the forest is hard to see your way outside the forest, so you need that outside perspective to show you this is where you are, this is what it looks like, and you’re like, ah, I got it now I see it and that’s why. Amen. All right. In the next episode is Stacey and I are going to dive into the invisible force that is stopping you from actually showing up in relationship development, blocking you from getting the results that you want in your relationship and you don’t even know that is blocking you and it’s something that you do every day, multiple times a day. No, I’m not spying on you. I just know this is how it goes. So in the next episode we’ll tell you what it is and how to stop it so you can finally get the results that you want.

 

Stacy:              31:17 All right, awesome. So Hey, if you want more solutions, please join our relationship development community. Uh, the link is in the show notes. It’s my relationship development community.com. And like here, this is where it’s at. If you’re a relationship transformer and you’re like, all right, I’m going to be the one, I’m going to transform it. You got to get your tickets for relationship breakthrough retreat. This is our three day immersion of them that is designed to catapult your relationship to the next level and just three days. It’s results in three days. It is not a couples event. It is just for you. It is a high energy, fun life changing experience. It’s not a speaker event. It’s just me and Paul all day for three days and you will literally have a breakthrough before you walk out those doors. There’s nothing else that you can do in those three days of your life that will give you more of a result than being in the relationship.

 

Stacy:              32:12 Breakthrough retreat, live event experience. We only do this event once a year, once a year. People fly in from all over the world. This is our sixth year doing this event. I just wanted to tell you about the kinds of breakthroughs that you get at this event. There are so giant, we have hundreds of relationship transformers that come to the relationship breakthrough retreat every year, every year over and over. There are some people that are coming to their sixth relationship breakthrough retreat event, fifth, fourth, third, like there’s so many people that do this repeatedly. Why? Because the breakthrough is guaranteed in those three days and they know they want to break through to their next level and that’s where it gets done. Like it is just transformational. You don’t want to miss out on this event and have to wait a whole nother year for the breakthrough that you and your family deserve. This is the only event we do all year that anybody is allowed to grab a ticket to and get their butt in there. So you can go to relationship breakthrough, retreat.com check out the entire event, grab your tickets, but you want to make sure that you grab your tickets and don’t miss out this year. Like this event is unbelievable. You want to share what you,

 

Paul:               33:24 yeah. I would just say too that you know, obviously people wouldn’t be coming back if this wasn’t powerful and fun and like it, it doesn’t suck. Right. That we can be sure of. So just keep that in mind. And I think what you also said is really key. It’s like look, this is the, the one that you can come to from anywhere, anytime. Like don’t miss your opportunity. And I know so many people who were like, we’ll dedicate, you know, a weekend to doing maybe even gardening or something else, like something that they like to do. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but it probably won’t change their life. Right? Um, this is something where just give yourself the gift you deserve that gift. If you’ve been spending a, and let’s say more than an hour a day, feeling negative about your relationship in some way, you know, I promise you it’s worth the time to dedicate just this time to get yourself out of the dynamics that have been creating so much stress and pain and suffering in your family or with your relationships with whoever. Just invest that time now so you can save yourself hours and hours and hours or maybe worse days and weeks of the pain and kerfuffle that comes just because you didn’t know what was on the other side.

 

Paul:               34:31 And this is a high energy, fun life changing event. This isn’t like some cry fast or theory or any crap like that. It’s really unbelievable. And you want to talk to the guys about that. This is definitely not a girl’s event.

 

Paul:               34:44 Yeah. You know, you’ll see this as time goes on in the podcast and I really hope for all of you out there listening that you aren’t starting at the beginning and you work your way through these because you don’t want to miss any of this. But nonetheless, what you’ll learn in time is that guys, I’m Stacey and I are not here to have any kind of a feminine solution to relationships. I know so many men are, uh, have this false belief that, you know, learning about relationship is just for women. And I get it is because all of this solutions in the past, I’ve always had this feminine side to them. You’ve listened to us hopefully now for at least a few episodes. There’s none of this feminine side of it. Stacy and I are teaching the truth with a capital t. We’re peeling back the layers of what was invisible.

 

Paul:               35:26 We’re showing you the solutions, what guys want. We just want the solution. We know we’re showing up with the best of intentions. We don’t understand why things are going so badly. Right? That’s the truth. And then we take the sword as I call it and kind of stuff it down when things don’t go the right way. You’re thinking, I don’t know. You know, this is a feminine thing. I don’t understand this relationship. No guys, it’s just awareness and tools and solutions and that’s what you get here. That’s what you’ll always get from Stacy and I. It’s not a touchy feely. Let’s talk about our emotions until we’re blue in the face or in any way, one sided or geared towards masculine or feminine. It’s just the truth.

 

Stacy:              36:01 Amen. So please check out relationship breakthrough retreat.com don’t miss your chance. Thanks for listening to this episode of the relationship transformer podcast. If you’re not subscribed already, be sure to do that now. Hey, if you liked this episode, definitely help us spread the word by rating and reviewing this podcast. Share it with people in your world. I’m sure that you think there are people that need to hear this. Everybody’s deserves these solutions, will please get out there and share it. That’ll help us reach more people and spread this mission. We be super, super grateful. Until the next time. Remember together we are changing the way relationship is done.

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