What’s The Episode About:

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about triggers and how to go about them. We all have those moments where we get triggered by our partner, and unfortunately, people don’t know what to do at that moment, and it happens to the best of us.

The one thing that’s most important to know is that every single trigger is unique, and therefore requires a unique solution that only we ourselves can come up with and not our partners. There’s so much value in a person learning to solve their triggers instead of reacting to them because every piece of trigger one solves puts back a piece of themselves back into making them whole.

If your partner ever triggers and you need to know how to react better when they trigger you, then this episode is just for you, because Paul and Stacey will be sharing some very valuable action steps that you can take to start accomplishing that.

Key Points Discussed: 

• What to do when your spouse triggers you (01:31)
• The beauty of triggers and how to solve them (03:06)
• Mastering your state in the moment so that you can respond instead of react (04:04)
• How when we blame we put the power to fix things in someone else’s hands (06:06)

Where Can I Learn More:

• Get access to the Relationship Breakthrough Retreat – here
• Join the 14-Day Boost – here

When Did It Air:

12/12/2019

Episode Transcript:

Disclaimer:  The Transcript Is Auto-Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors

Paul:               00:00 Hey relationship transformers. Welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast. Today, Stacey and I are going to talk about triggers. So let me ask you a question. Does your partner ever trigger you? Of course, right? Would you like to know how to react better when your partner triggers you? We’re going to answer that on today’s podcast. So let’s queue up the intro and dive in.

Intro:              00:24 So the big question is this, how is it possible that one person alone can transform any relationship, save their marriage, great their unshakeable love and unleash passion, divorce, proof their family without needing their partner to get on board and do this with them and yet still get to be happily, authentically you without compromise. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answer. We are Paul and Stacey Martino and welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast. We are Paul and Stacey Martino and welcome to the Relationship Transformer podcast.

Paul:               00:52 What can I do when my wife triggers me? This was a question that someone asked at our last Relationship Breakthrough Retreat live event. Stacey and I both answered this question live on the spot. We both gave very different answers, and I want to share them with you today to serve you because I think that everyone runs into this from time to time. We all have those moments where we get triggered by our partner, and we want to know what to do in that moment. Right? Okay. Well, in this seven-minute clip from RBR, Stacey and I are going to answer that question for you. So let’s jump in.

Mark:               01:31 When I first met my spouse, I had absolutely no triggers, and July 24th, 2019, we’ve known each other for 10 years, and now I feel like almost everything triggers me. So my question is, how do you not react to triggers?

Stacey:             01:51 Oh, if only. Right? Here’s the answer, and yeah, if I had a dime for everybody who asked me how to solve triggers, right? Triggers with an S. Right? Right, Liz? Yeah. Triggers with no S. Here’s the thing. Every single trigger is unique. Every… so, write this down. Every single trigger in your blueprint is unique. If the trigger is unique, the solution is unique. If there was one solution to triggers, we’d be done. It’d be a five-minute live event. Everybody would be good. We’d put it on a postcard, and just send it out via direct mail to the world. Every trigger is unique, and that is actually happening for you. So sometimes we hear them, we’re like, “Aaah, damn it!” But that’s actually happening for you, because you developed your triggers in reaction, and everyone that you solve is a piece that you get to put back whole to yourself.

Stacey:             03:06 And if you didn’t go through the release of the trigger and the solving of it, you would never get back to your whole self. Because every trigger is a false belief that you have in your blueprint, a false meaning that you’re carrying. And so the beauty of triggers are triggers happen to show you that false belief, that false meeting, whatever it is in your blueprint that’s causing you pain, the trigger is just there to show it to you. Then the solution is, okay, let’s go in. Let’s pull out the piece of the blueprint that’s no longer serving us. Let’s figure out what the truth is that does serve us and let’s put the truth in and pull the lie out and now we feel freer. Why would we deprive ourselves of doing that 40 times? And so the actual answer is there is no one way.

Stacey:             04:04 Now there’s another answer to that question and that is while I’m doing this work, how can I react less to the triggers that I currently have? That’s a stellar question. I’m going to answer that question. And that comes down to state mastery, which is actually in module one of your curriculum that you’ll have access to like tomorrow. So there are tools in the state mastery module that Paul teaches that will enable you to show up in a situation when you feel that trigger and master your state in the moment so that you can respond instead of react, even though you still have the trigger while you’re doing the work that will bring the peace while you’re doing this transformation work. Does that serve you, Mark?

Mark:               05:00 Absolutely. Thanks a lot.

Paul:               05:01 I’m going to add something to that.

Stacey:             05:02 Awesome.

Paul:               05:02 Just one second because I want to have a little fun with this one.

Stacey:             05:07 Oh, I love you so much. Zack is back.

Paul:               05:07 So yes, he’s coming out.

Stacey:             05:11 Once Zack is out, you can’t put them back in the jar.

Paul:               05:12 No, but that’s a good thing. Everybody likes that actually. Um, so here’s the thing. Cause I want to serve you and I truly, genuinely want you to understand that I’m actually doing this cause I wanna serve you. So right now I’m feeling angry. Really, really angry. Okay. So let’s just pretend I’m really, really, really angry. Let me take all my anger in, run over there. Your columns, did it go in? You know what went wrong? I mean, I should’ve worked [inaudible] wait, are you saying that I don’t have the power to put something in you to make you angry? Is that what you’re saying?

Mark:               05:54 No, I think what you’re saying is my wife doesn’t have the power to put anything in. [inaudible].

Paul:               06:06 sorry, I just want to serve you here because what happens is your question was really clear to me on Friday and it sounded a little bit like blame a little bit, little tad, right? [inaudible] so anyway, and I wanted you to get that at a visceral level because it’s what we teach and I get it. Everybody here is on the spectrum. There’s nothing wrong with you, Mark. Like it’s literally where we all are. So, but it’s just, it’s so deep in us this, this belief in this demand relationship and that someone can trigger me and it’s their fault is what leaves us powerless. Because when we blame, we put all the power to fix it in someone else’s hands. It’s like if she would just stop doing that, man, my life would be better has if she had the power, you know, the podcast called the other day as well too. I think my mic is going bad. Um, what were you saying like, so this 11-year-old was like taking down the house. Really, the 11-year-old has all that power.

Paul:               07:06 What 11 year old is like a magician, right? Superpowers. Like boom, you’re angry. Boom. You’re sad. Like Zack, it’s, but what? But we believed it because we believe in blame because of we, it’s been socially acceptable. I actually tried to word my question so I wasn’t blaming it kind of suits, but there’s nothing wrong with that. And again, like it’s total, there’s, there’s, you are a totally normal, completely normal person and it’s just that we’ve been conditioned into this type of thinking. So I just wanted to serve you with that one awareness. So because once you release the grip on the illusion that someone actually could put that into you, now you’re actually going to be in a resourceful state to say, well, so now I’m confused. Awesome. Because when you’re confused, you’re going to have to form new pathways. You’re now in a resourceful state where you can actually see the truth in the answer and be resourceful enough to take action on it. Answer. So awesome question. Thank you.

Stacey:             08:07 Awesome. So powerful, right? By the way, the next relationship break, the retreat is happening next summer and tickets are going to open soon. You do not want to miss this three-day immersion event with us. We only do this once a year. Don’t forget to go to RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com for details on the next event to sign up to find out the date and location to be the first to be notified. Get on the early bird list and everything. So here’s the recap. First of all, there’s not one solution to triggers with an S. each trigger has its unique solution. Your triggers belong to you. It’s not your partner’s responsibility to solve your triggers. It’s your partner’s responsibility only to show you your triggers. It’s your responsibility to solve your triggers.

Paul:               08:57 All right, time for some action steps. Number one, stop. Stop blaming your partner and others for triggering you. They are not triggering you. You are getting triggered. There is a huge difference there. Number two, start. Start taking ownership for your triggers so that you can solve them. Number three, do the work. Take each trigger one by one and solve it. If you need our help, reach out and let us know.

Stacey:             09:25 All right. If you love this podcast, be sure to share it with those who need it. Take a picture of your phone, share it on social media. Use hashtag [inaudible] podcast tag me and we’ll be sure to comment and thank you for it as well. And we really, really appreciate, by the way, that you help us share this and spread the word with those families who need it. You’re being an angel with us in spreading this mission. We really appreciate that as well and love you for it. And until next time, remember together we are changing the way relationship is done.

Outro:              09:58 Hey, would you like to get big results in your relationships in just 10 seconds a day? If so, then subscribe to our daily inspiration for relationship transformers or the D.I.R.T at www.MartinoPodcast.com/DIRT